Rosé + Thorns
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Rosé + Thorns
Interpretation and Intimidation
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Have you ever made incorrect assumptions about a person or a situation? Have you ever been called intimidating? Have YOU ever felt intimidated by others?
This week on the Rosé + Thorns Podcast, Drs. Shun and P. Ryan utilize their experiences at church to examine the impact of interpretations on social interactions.
The two share their experiences with making interpretations and having interpretations made of them, which leads them to explore the ways intimidation can influence interpersonal engagement. Finally, your favorite psychologists offer recommendations on how to manage interpretations and feelings of intimidation.
We hope you enjoy this hilarious yet informative discussion. 💛
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I am Dr. Sean Huddleston.
SPEAKER_00And I am Dr. P. Ryan.
SPEAKER_01Mother.
SPEAKER_00Storyteller.
SPEAKER_01Wonderlust.
SPEAKER_00Friend.
SPEAKER_01Workout Barbie.
SPEAKER_00All around good time. And we are the Rose and Thorns Podcast. Hey Love Bugs, and welcome to another episode of the Rose and Thorns Podcast. I am P. Ryan.
SPEAKER_01And I am Dr. Sean.
SPEAKER_00And we are so excited to be here again.
SPEAKER_01We are having me here.
SPEAKER_00We are. I mean it.
SPEAKER_01No, no.
SPEAKER_00In real life. In real life.
SPEAKER_01How you been, Brian?
SPEAKER_00What's the one?
SPEAKER_01One thing about me, I'm going to the airport. I love it. You want to know me, catch me at the air.
SPEAKER_00Right? Yeah. Halt. Alicia Key says, packing her bags. Gotta go, gotta go. She's a Samsonite woman.
SPEAKER_01That's whatever, right? I'm dead. Whatever you, yeah. Samsonite. Yes. Do I like Samsonite? I don't know.
SPEAKER_00I love a Samsonite luggage.
SPEAKER_01You know, thinking about travel, quite a few travel plans for the rest of this year, but one in particular that was unexpected was for my birthday. So typically, you know, I just, you know, take a little girl's trip, do a little one-too. So this year, though, it's gonna be more of a family trip and something we've never done before.
SPEAKER_00I love it. New year, new thing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, my aunt, it's my mom's sister. Her birthday is November 4th. Okay. And mine's October 28th, A. So I expect a lot of love on October 28th, people.
SPEAKER_00So I'll send you some early Halloween picks.
SPEAKER_01Yes. So what, you know, I had invited my cousins, and she's like, oh, I was thinking about, you know, taking my mom on a trip. And so we basically talked about it being like this new family trip. So I'm super excited.
SPEAKER_00I love that.
SPEAKER_01I think it's gonna be okay.
SPEAKER_00I think it's gonna be great.
SPEAKER_01It's gonna be like a mini family reunion lightweight. So get it. And I have a really cool, fun family. So they're good times. They are a good time. So I love it. That and then um, where else am I going? Oh, for Thanksgiving. I'll be in Hawaii. Lovely, lovely. Yes, I'm gonna be doing that somewhere on Thanksgiving and doing my thing. So I'm excited. I love that for you.
SPEAKER_00That's what we're doing.
SPEAKER_01Thank you.
unknownThank you.
SPEAKER_00You know, we got old Denver coming up too for APA. We will be in Denver hiking and taking pictures. I'm excited. Is this our first trip? Is it? Yes.
SPEAKER_01This is yes.
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh. I think we'll come back with the tea. We'll see if we made it or broke it.
SPEAKER_01Maybe some good pictures to post from hiking in Denver having a good time. But yeah, I'm excited about that. First friend trip. Yeah, I know. And I'm also looking forward to some of like the sessions and things to learn. I have lots. Yeah, I'm looking forward to that because I looked kind of a little bit, I think you said you meant you had looked at it as well and you saw some things that you were interested in. So I'm definitely looking, you know, excited about the sessions, exciting to see people. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And this will be for the American Psychological Association conference. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Reference that for sure. And then with as I had mentioned before, about uh being the incoming president-elect for Division 35. I'll be into quite a few meetings.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01So to get that started. So I'm excited. What have you been up to? I have just been living. That is enough.
SPEAKER_00That's enough. That is enough. And I've been living with you. We recently went out to dinner.
unknownWe did.
SPEAKER_00It was so good. I had a great time.
SPEAKER_01You love an introvi, apparently. Yep.
SPEAKER_00You just gonna put me out here.
SPEAKER_01I was. Oh are you hoping this?
SPEAKER_00I love an intro. You love an intro, honey. And a Caesar salad.
SPEAKER_01And a Caesar Sally. It made you so happy.
SPEAKER_00Yes. I love that. And I will tell the people you made me cry. Sean's a bully. She's a bully. Just kidding.
SPEAKER_01Made him cry.
SPEAKER_00With the warmest words.
SPEAKER_01With the nicest love.
SPEAKER_00Thank you. I really appreciate those words. They fill me even to today.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that makes me feel good.
SPEAKER_00But during our hangout, I left and didn't tell you one thing.
SPEAKER_01I had gotten sleepy, so you know I'm not good at that point. I'm ready to go.
SPEAKER_00It was like, it was like. Okay, so what was it? So you know I go to church, right?
SPEAKER_01Yes, you do. You one thing about you, you go to church. I do be at the church house.
SPEAKER_00I be at multiple church houses. Okay.
SPEAKER_01He really and he sings. I'll tell you. A little bit. I told you this.
SPEAKER_00A little bit. But you also go to church too. I do. So to you, like what is the purpose of church? How does it make you feel? That's a good question. What do you get from it?
SPEAKER_01It's a guide to my life. Um I'm from Mississippi as we've, we know.
SPEAKER_00Yes, not Alabama.
SPEAKER_01EMI cricket label, cricket. And so like I was raised in church. Like my grandmother was such a, you know, a person that believed that we all should be in church. You, you know, you know, avid believer in God and in God's teachings. So I grew up in the church, you know, and in Mississippi, dirt roads. That makes me sound old, but I'm not that old. I mean I'm a big age, but I'm not old. Um, but dirt rolls, I remember, you know, all of all my grandmother grandkids piled up in her her two-door car flying down the road, and it's dust and rocks flying everywhere to get to church, and it's hot in there because they don't have any Central AC. I remember, you know, Easter speeches and all the fun things. I remember praying a lot, you know, definitely before meals, definitely at night with my mom. So it's played a huge role in my life, right? It's been just a space, uh, a framework for how I want to live my life and how I want to treat people. Um, so it's it's it's been a source of support, right? Um a guide in the dark days, whenever those come about. So it's it's been huge. What I will say though, one thing that was particularly just interesting and important about my life, like my mom would not allow us to get baptized when we were little, which is like unlike Baptist type dynamics at church.
SPEAKER_00I don't think I ever told you this. Interesting.
SPEAKER_01She did not. And I was like, oh my God, we are. I remember growing up thinking we were all gonna go to hell. I was like, this lady is not doing it. Like this lady is not doing what she's supposed to do. She's gonna get us all killed. So but I remember like as I got older, I was like, asking her, why were we not baptized? Like, we were like these like demon children. And she was like, because I wanted that to be a decision you made on your own and that you knew what you were doing. I love that. I said, girl. Yeah, she ate that look.
SPEAKER_00She ate it. She ate that loop.
SPEAKER_01I was like, all right, mom, you know what girls say less. So I did get baptized when I was an adult, and I knew what I was doing, and I was going through the process, but I thought that it was like uniquely different from like most like black family dynamics, and when it came to like, you know, in particular, like I can say, like, you know, Christianity baptism and things like that. So that but yeah, I mean, to answer your question, like church has been um uh just a place that's just grounded me throughout my life. For sure. Yeah, I love church. Yeah, I know you see.
SPEAKER_00I mean, one day he's gonna bless us with some singing. Maybe not. Y'all can pay me though, behind a paywall. Church for me, I've been going to church since my head was at my knee. Okay. Okay. Or maybe even my feet. Right. I have gone to churches in the US, I've gone to churches in the Caribbean where my family's from. I cannot do it. That's how I love church. You love church. Yeah. My grandparents actually, so my family's from Jamaica. Yeah. My grandparents had a hand in building the church where our like family community is.
SPEAKER_01Really? That's awesome. So your church has just been a center of your life within you. Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_00And for me, church is a a place of like peace. Oh, absolutely. It's where I get spirit fed.
SPEAKER_01Even in time, I love a good song. Huh? They be praised.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Even when like the church was not, it didn't feel like the safest space for me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Right? It has always been a place of peace. But let me tell you about recently.
SPEAKER_01Oh, we got story. Story time.
SPEAKER_00Peace turned to war real quick.
SPEAKER_01In the church house? In the church house. You know, they'd be having drama too, right?
SPEAKER_00You put on my war clothes. Not the war. You had to put your boots on. And it was so wild because it was back to back. Okay, I had to have on the full armor of God.
SPEAKER_01That was the devil.
SPEAKER_00Wasn't it? Because the devil had presented it.
SPEAKER_01Because they come, they go to church too.
SPEAKER_00And let me tell you, so in church, I'm not just a member, but I serve on certain things. You do, right? I do know that. And back to back that day, I interacted with two people who, and I'm not gonna give too much of the situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the gist of it was basically I did something, right? To help the machine run or certain sect of ministry run.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00They felt a way about it, literally had an interpretation about what my motives were. Tried to follow up with me about it and literally tried to son me.
SPEAKER_01So they made some assumptions.
SPEAKER_00Made some assumptions, made some interpretations, had some interpretations, and tried to accost the doll.
SPEAKER_01No, huh? Off with their head. Huh?
SPEAKER_00What happened? They can keep their heads on, but what is going on?
SPEAKER_01So what happened?
SPEAKER_00What did you so in that moment, right? In both moments, again, back to back. Back to back. I I had to ask, what was your interpretation of the thing that I did?
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00Gave them a space to share. Okay. They thought. And basically they had this interpretation that I was trying to make them look foolish or like, you know, make them look in a negative light. And I'm like, no, sweetie, I wasn't even thinking about you.
SPEAKER_01And sometimes I don't have to make you do anything. You don't do the thing.
SPEAKER_00Hello lights. Right. Huh? So when I explained what my intention was for these actions, you looking at me, I'm looking at you, we just looking awkward.
SPEAKER_01And everybody confused.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01So okay, and then from their understanding of the situation interpretation, what did you do with that?
SPEAKER_00So I highlighted for them that interpretation you made is not where I was aligned. And this actually sets up a beautiful conversation for us to talk about intention versus impact. I agree. But I want to save that for another show. Just because I do like that. That would be a good conversation.
SPEAKER_01Because intention does not negate impact.
SPEAKER_00Right. And I'm willing to hold the impact, but at the end of the day, that action would still be the same today, tomorrow, yesterday, whenever. Because it was still in the purpose of the ministry capacity in which we serve.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00Right. I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about the ministry.
SPEAKER_01Right. Right.
SPEAKER_00Not to say that your feelings aren't taken into account, but you created this entire narrative that I wasn't an author in that. Right. Right. So what I actually wanted to bring us into conversation about was interpretation.
SPEAKER_01Interpretation. Right.
SPEAKER_00First. Right. Right. You want to jump off the case?
SPEAKER_01Yes, I will, because the right interpretation is the expl is the explanation of something or some type of situation or occurrence, right? Yeah. Like that's the most simple way to like break down like what interpretation is.
SPEAKER_00Um, but also Can I add the psychologist way? Go. All right. So you did the simple way. In dialectical behavior therapy. Yeah. Right. There's it's this time of type of therapy created by Marsha Lenahan in the late 1980s. It's all about emotion regulation, uh interacting effectively with people. So interpersonal effectiveness, tolerating distress, and increasing your mindfulness skills, right? In the emotion regulation module, she talks about interpretations and how sometimes we get hijacked by emotions. We do in different situations. But when we are getting hijacked by emotions, which then leads us to acting out or accosting people at church. Right. Right. Or even just feeling a type of way, as we often like to say, I felt a type of way. We're not oftentimes reacting to the facts of the situation. We're reacting to our interpretation. You know what I like.
SPEAKER_01You know what I like to align that with?
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01You made it up.
SPEAKER_00In the words of Candy Burris on Housewives of Atlanta, you made that up.
SPEAKER_01You made it up. And you were responding to what you made up.
SPEAKER_00What you made.
SPEAKER_01Hello.
SPEAKER_00In DBT, Marsha Lenahan highlights that it's not the actual situation that we're oftentimes reacting to. Right. But it's the interpretation that we have made about that situation. And so I just have to ask you. Oh goodness. Have you ever fallen victim to, you know, faulty interpretations or people making faulty interpretations about you and that contributing to a dynamic that you have to navigate.
SPEAKER_01Oh, absolutely. Um another story time. Story time. Way back when. So when I went to undergrad in Louisiana, I'll tell people I am an introverted extrovert. Right? People are like, you cannot be an introvert. I kind of am. I can get kind of quiet until myself. And Lord knows I like being by myself and doing things by myself. So that's easy work for me. And sometimes I have to remind myself to be around people. Like I haven't seen Patrick in a long time. Let me message him, whatever. But um, to further answer your question, so when I was in Louisiana, people just assumed I was just stuck up. And I've never had a problem making friends or, you know, being sociable with people. But in that capacity, like in a lot of ways, it dictated that once, like initially when I got to school. So I did have a lot of friends initially. Now, over time I did, but like people who would see me on the yard, they would see me in the dorm, etc. And that would be male and female, they wouldn't really talk to me, or you know, it wasn't a friendly dynamic. And I'm from Mississippi, and we don't meet a stranger. But like they it, but then moving forward, if they saw me in the cafeteria or they saw me at some event or you know, saw me in class and saw me interacting with other people, and they eventually spoke to me and talked to me. They were like, Oh, I thought you were so stuck up. So I just wouldn't talk to you. I'm like, what? I got judged based off what exactly you don't even know me.
SPEAKER_00Being an extrovert or introvert.
SPEAKER_01You don't even know me. Yeah, you haven't talked to me, you haven't spent any time with me, you haven't done your due diligence. Nobody knew me to gossip about me. They just saw me on campus all the time, and I'll be by myself. And so from that, it was just a slow buildup and making friends. Now, when I left there, tons of friends, knew tons of people, it was all fine, but initially it was a rough start in that type of capacity.
SPEAKER_00I resonate with that so much, especially like in this situation, because I'll be honest, at church, like I'm not a social person.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I come, I serve in the capacity I serve in. I grab my little bag and go home.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00And people do not know me, but what they don't know is that that's because of my history with the church. Church for me has I've always been there. I love what offers me. Yeah, but it's not always been a good time interacting with people. So coming to Houston, I was just like, I'm gonna protect this sacred space. Absolutely. Right? You don't get too much of my business, I don't need too much of your. Right. I don't need to hang out too much.
SPEAKER_01Right, let's do what we're supposed to do.
SPEAKER_00Right? Right. And we're just gonna do what we need to do. Absolutely. And I think that that may also contribute to this idea of you may be stuck up or your actions are now trying to highlight some negative view of me, right? And honestly, this is not I also resonate with being kind of this extroverted in. I'm just an anxious girly, like I can't do too much, right? But I love people.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_01And I right, we're doing that.
SPEAKER_00But this is not the first time I've gotten feedback where folks have made like negative interpretations of my intention, my intention.
SPEAKER_01Right, right, right.
SPEAKER_00And so when I go to my trusted like friend group, right, and have conversations, one theme often comes up, and I would love to hear your reaction to this. A lot of my homegirls, a lot of my homies, they'll be like, Well, do you think that person's intimidated? Do you think those interpretations stem from intimidation? Right? What do you think about that?
SPEAKER_01I think that I think sometimes, yes, that could be the case. Because I think as a society, and we see people and we may see the things that they do and outside appearances, seeing how you dress, seeing the things that you they think you have, right? They don't know. They don't know.
SPEAKER_00Um I only got a blank dollars.
SPEAKER_01Right. I ain't got no money. No, but but that you know, your presence can be intimidating. You being a doctor can be intimidated. I don't know how much of that information you shared at church, if they know or not know about sort of your career and educational background. But all those things can be intimidating. You're a leader, and I think people who are not, you know, can tend to sort of assume different types of ideas around that person's qualities and who they are as people. And that's intimidation, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And what is intimidation, right?
SPEAKER_01What's our definition?
SPEAKER_00Our definition of intimidation is having an interpretation, right? That some interaction, some person, some situation is a threat. Right. It's threatening.
SPEAKER_01It's threatening, right?
SPEAKER_00Right. Which causes you some anxiety, can cause you some fear or some unease. And this is what makes me laugh a little bit, because imagine you're viewing me as a threat in this capacity, and you know what's going through my head? Don't have a panic attack. Is your fly open? Right. What you gonna eat later on? Are we gonna work out later? Ready to go. What's happening? When can I sit down? What do I gotta do when I get home? Imagine that's going through my head.
SPEAKER_01But you that's just saying, like, you know, while they are coming up with all these ideas and interpretations and I don't know what's going on.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01You're not thinking about them. You have zero thoughts about them. And you're like, what is happening? And then you have what may seem like a mild interaction that turns into this dynamic that you chaos, you know what I mean? Right. That that is, you know, misled by you know these false beliefs and things that the other person has made up about you that you gotta try to figure out.
SPEAKER_00Sowing seeds of chaos in my state of the piece. That's from that's from Greenleaf. You ever heard one thing about you? You got a quote. I love a show.
SPEAKER_01A quote in a song.
SPEAKER_00So in the breath of intimidation.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00I did a little deep dive into the factors that can make one feel intimidated. And you already named a whole bunch.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And some of these are coming from Chris McCloyd, who is a social worker based out in Canada, and he does a lot of work around helping people kind of unpack social anxieties, be less socially awkward, right? And you hit the nail on the head. Some of the things that can make people feel threatened or intimidated, going back to your college experience and even some of the things you said, people who are super outgoing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I really am a super outgoing person once you get to know me. No, once you get to know me. But right, I'm like, I'm a good time.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01And I have a huge personality, obviously.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, right. But folks who are confident, yes, popular or charismatic, and that doesn't have to be spoken.
SPEAKER_01It does. And I have a friend that says this about me all the time. She's like, what thing about you? You do not lack confidence. Huh? I wasn't raised to lack confidence. Right?
SPEAKER_00I don't know what that means. Me, the doll, will pump into a room, even if I'm sweating in the inside. All right. I went out and had brunch with a homegirl the other day. She was just like, uh, ma'am, where are you going? Right, right, right, uh, to brunch. Right, pumping through. Right. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I agree.
SPEAKER_00People who have these assumptions, these interpretations, that you will judge them. Right.
SPEAKER_01But then, like, how are they placing your power of being a person that can judge? Right. I'm not, I'm not judging you. I don't even care. I don't care. That's what I and I say that like I don't even care.
SPEAKER_00And the gag was in one of those interactions, I literally said, I'm not here to shade you.
SPEAKER_01Mm-mm. Mm-mm. I don't, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Don't even care. Not invested. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Get this one. You're gonna appreciate this one. What? Another factor that can make people intimidated. Good looking people.
SPEAKER_01Huh? I got it from my mama. Huh? And we're just blame the grants.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01But you know, like, I agree with that. I didn't, and I think I had shared like a little bit of this uh prior to you. I didn't grow up, you know, everybody in my family looked like me more or less. Like, I didn't feel like I looked anything special until I got to an undergrad. And not that I thought that I looked anything special, but it would be the remarks. And I'm looking Miss Mississippi. I'm Miss Mississippi. I'm just here. I'm just here trying to go to school. I don't know where my class is. I'm just a girl. I'm just a girl.
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna go through a couple more because these are so good.
SPEAKER_01It's so funny.
SPEAKER_00People can be intimidated by people who are in a position of authority or who are knowledgeable or competent.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Right?
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00In this position that I serve in at church, I didn't just pop here. I've been working on this craft for years.
SPEAKER_01You deserve it.
SPEAKER_00Huh? And I'm not really a leader, I'm just there making suggestions.
SPEAKER_01Right, but are well informed. While probably other people are not. And if they do make a suggestion, it probably doesn't make so much sense. And so you can't do much with that. But yours, on the other hand, does. Yeah. So here we are. Here we are. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00All right, let's do two more. These ones are like heavy hitters. Oh god.
SPEAKER_01Are we ready?
SPEAKER_00This one's interesting.
SPEAKER_01Which one?
SPEAKER_00People can be intimidated when they are members of your gender.
SPEAKER_01Mmm.
SPEAKER_00Now, here you you identify as woman.
SPEAKER_01I do.
SPEAKER_00I do identify as lady, but I'm a man.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_00Just a lady. Just a small person. There is unspoken competition sometimes when you get in each other's spaces. It is. Right? It is. Like some would call it dick swinging contests. It is.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. Right.
SPEAKER_00Women sizing each other up.
SPEAKER_01Sizing each other up, trying to like pull you apart of what you have, what you don't have. Just even I had mentioned earlier when I was at the photo shoot. And now that I felt like she was trying to pull me apart, but she was just, this lady was just staring at me. And she goes, Your lips look like they've been dipped in rose petals. I said, Girl, what? Thank you.
SPEAKER_00Are you trying to eat me up?
SPEAKER_01I don't know what's happening right now. She's like, I you know, I just didn't, you know, put a lot of energy into like, you know, my makeup and things like that. I'm like, oh, okay.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_01I did. Sizing up. I did. Shout out to Elena's vanity. Hey. And Monica. My hair. Oh, shout out to Monica.
SPEAKER_00Hey, Monica girl. Shout out. Hey, great. Hey the both of y'all love y'all. And here's another one that really rocked my socks.
SPEAKER_01What?
SPEAKER_00People can feel intimidated when they take certain stereotypes to heart.
SPEAKER_01Can I flesh that out a little bit? Yes, please. I was gonna ask you that same more.
SPEAKER_00When people see you, right, and they have internalized or hold these certain stereotypes, their intimidation may come from not wanting to be associated with what they see in you.
SPEAKER_01Give me an example.
SPEAKER_00So an example, we at the church house.
SPEAKER_01We at the church house.
SPEAKER_00Let me tell you, the same way I show up here is the same way I show up to church. Gay. Very gay. Exponentially. Very gay, right? Some men, right? We're in Houston, we're in Texas, still hold these homophobic discomforts. They do.
SPEAKER_01They do.
SPEAKER_00Right? So you see me pumping through, right? Ooh, I'm not too close. Right? So then if I critique you, you may take that to heart. Right. What this girl do you do?
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00Right. So sometimes people can be intimidated when they are interacting with people who as who hold and represent the stereotypes that they have negative views about. Not saying that it was this person, but we're just exploring the factors that can make people feel intimidated.
SPEAKER_01Right, right.
SPEAKER_00What do you think about that?
SPEAKER_01That's crazy work. And that they need to do a deep dive and some self-reflection about themselves and these stereotypes that they've created that are not fair and that likely don't make any sense and that they made it up.
SPEAKER_00Not a one, right? So then let's talk about. We in this conversation, we have talked about both interpretation and intimidation, right? Which one do you want to tackle as far as like how we can better navigate interpretation? You want to tackle interpretations?
SPEAKER_01I think we should. I think that's a good space. Because I don't I don't think people think about like the context of interpretation. But I can still do intimidation too now.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Let me have you do intimidation.
SPEAKER_01Okay, I do intimidation, do interpretation, okay.
SPEAKER_00Just because I started off talking about um interpretations in the frame of Marsha Linda Hand.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yes, that's fair. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_00And this is not therapy, by the way.
SPEAKER_01We are not therapizing anybody. There's no soul. There's no card on file, there is no consent form signed.
SPEAKER_00Not one. Go ahead. Not one. However, if y'all are interested in DBT, Marsha has a big bag of tools. And one of those tools in helping us manage the interpretations that can again lead to emotional hijacking and lead to ineffective behavior is checking the facts. Now, checking the facts is a very complex skill. It's not just an intuitive thing. And it has a step-by-step process. I'm not going to give you all the steps, right?
SPEAKER_01But reading is fundamental.
SPEAKER_00But what I will say is two of the things that we do when we check the facts is understand what is the threat that's happening in this moment. Right? In this situation that I'm navigating, what is the threat that I'm perceiving? And also what are the facts of the situation? And does the threat that I'm perceiving align with the facts?
SPEAKER_01Right. Right.
SPEAKER_00That in itself can help change the intensity of that emotion or change the interpretation.
SPEAKER_01Right, right, right. I agree.
SPEAKER_00When it comes to intimidation, Miss Mississippi.
SPEAKER_01Hey, I think it's important, you know, when these intimidation dynamics happen, that you challenge your beliefs about certain people, certain groups. You know, do your due diligence in questioning this, these thoughts that you're having that may or may not be true, likely not true. Likely it's been a space where you've made it up based off whatever past experiences or maybe something someone told you. For sure. And you've just really gained this big misunderstanding about it and have developed, you know, some intimidating feelings around it. So it's important that you challenge them. You do your due diligence to do that. Um, I think another one is just spend more per more time, more personal, put more personal energy into getting to know the person that you think intimidates you.
SPEAKER_00Like in a way that's like exposure therapy. Yeah, you might learn something. You're seeing this threat, lean into that.
SPEAKER_01Lean into it. Like see what it is about this person that's so intimidating for you. Is it because this person has a high level of education? Is it because this person presents themselves a certain kind of way that's predicated based off their confidence and and knowledge base? Maybe that's something you could put some energy in for yourself.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Lean into the fear. Right, lean into it.
SPEAKER_01And then I would say, lastly, is like process past experiences that may trigger some of these thoughts around intimidation. You know, and if it's something that's really impacting relationships or the way you navigate different spaces, particularly with work or in your love life, you know, go seek out some therapy.
SPEAKER_00Figure out what that's about so that you can show up differently. Absolutely. Listen, with the history, church intimidates me, but I'm still there.
SPEAKER_01You're still there, right?
SPEAKER_00I still get what I need.
SPEAKER_01You do, you do.
SPEAKER_00So, with that being said, we thank you for your time. You don't have to thank us for this information we gave you, but as always, you're welcome.
SPEAKER_01Thank you for tuning in to the Roseanne Thorns podcast.
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SPEAKER_01Special shout out to LP and the Hive.
SPEAKER_00This podcast is produced by Braxton Turner, Dr. Shun Huddleson, and Dr. P. Ryan Grant.
SPEAKER_01Join us next time. But until then, keep aluminum.