Rosé + Thorns
Join Dr. P. Ryan and friends in unpacking the highs and lows of life, culture, and relationships—open conversations with no off-limits topics.
Rosé + Thorns
Get R.E.A.D.Y. (feat. Miss Rhonda)
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Bottle girling. College readiness. Black womanhood in America. Living a pleasure filled life. All these topics were covered on this episode of #rosentpod. I’m so thankful to Philadelphia’s community servant, Rhonda, for being so vulnerable and freely giving of her perspectives. 🖤
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I am so tired. That's why I had tried to um see if you wanted to meet earlier so I could get into my beat.
SPEAKER_02You ready? Roseanne Thorns. Hey Love Bugs, and welcome to another episode of the Roseanne Thorns podcast. As always, I am P. Ryan, and let me tell y'all something. I know I joke a lot about being an auntie, but this episode will prove to you that I am nothing but auntie vibes. And you can't be a real auntie if you don't have a gaggle of aunties behind you who are willing to have conversations. So I am excited. Everybody, please welcome my sister auntie in spirit, Miss Rhonda.
SPEAKER_00Hello, hello, everyone. Oh my goodness, I'm so excited, but I'm so nervous. For what? I don't know. You know, just for the people to hear this annoying voice of mine and then my ideas and my thoughts.
SPEAKER_02First of all, let me tell you about that negative spirit. We're just Okay, all right.
SPEAKER_00Get me together. Get me together, child.
SPEAKER_02We are gonna cast that negative spirit out in the name, okay? There's nothing to be nervous about. We're just here having a good Kiki. Do you have a cocktail?
SPEAKER_00You know what? I do not.
SPEAKER_02I do. Oh, you didn't come prepared. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Look, I'm just ready for the conversation. I didn't even think. And you know, when we Kiki, we always got a cocktail. Right. And most times, much.
SPEAKER_02Let me tell you, the times I have left your home not feeling well. Not feeling well.
SPEAKER_00What a night. What a night.
SPEAKER_02Well, the way we kick the show off is by you introducing yourself to the people. So just take a moment. Tell us who you be.
SPEAKER_00Wow. Okay. So my name is Rhonda. I'm from North Philadelphia.
SPEAKER_03Hey.
SPEAKER_00So I'd be proud to say I'm from North Philly.
SPEAKER_03Heard you. Um used to live there.
SPEAKER_00Yes. So I'm from North Philly. I currently I still stay in the city. I went to Girls High. I went to Penn State. And I also went to Temple in regards to education. And I'm proud alumna of all of those institutions of education. But I know sometimes you gotta brill it in your excitement or being proud of your schools because they be tripping. Schools do trip. Okay, listen in light of everything that's going on. But we're not that we're not here for that today. Um today is like my passion for service and my passion for you know being a mentor and being mentored even being 28 years old. Like I still have a lot of life to live and I'm still learning every day. So I just want to pass on what I have in regards to my wisdom, my knowledge, and my experience to others that's younger than me, especially in the inner city, because I think it's definitely needed. And I think that's it for now. I don't want to get too much into it.
SPEAKER_02Don't give the people everything when you just meet them. Okay, but we'll get into it.
unknownOkay, all right.
SPEAKER_02Now, in addition to being an educated individual, in addition to being um one with so much life and so much to offer the world, girl, we didn't meet no educational uh well, we maybe we kind of did. We were getting a different type of education. We met in uh in a very unique setting. So I mean the people who know me from um outside of the Roseanne Thorns podcast, now you're gonna get to know me inside the Roseanne Thorns podcast. And if you know one thing about me, a piece of me is that I I don't wouldn't say used to be, I still am. I'm a bottle girl.
SPEAKER_00Really, girl?
SPEAKER_02Okay, I could, you know, I can sling drinks, I can sling bottles, and I met you in a bottle girl setting. So um, when I was just hard up on my luck trying to figure out, Lord, how am I gonna make a coin? The spirit said a quick coin.
SPEAKER_00A quick coin. That required too much work. I can show up and go and count my coins. That's right. I'll gotta clap in, I gotta clap out, I'll gotta do no paperwork, I'll do nothing.
SPEAKER_02Not a thing. The spirit done told me, listen, get you down to the bartending school, get you a bartending license, and then the world will be yours. So, what did I do? I hustled up the little money that I had, and I went down to the bartending school. And who was there trying to be a bottle girl to? Miss Rhonda.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Yes.
SPEAKER_02And ever since that moment, we have cackled, we keyed, we were trying to figure out how to make these drinks. Sometimes we were making up our own type of stuff. It was so it was such a fun experience. It taught me so much about myself and how you know I can, you know, figure things out when my back is against the wall. But I loved how we kind of created a relationship outside of this, Rhonda. One of the highlights is that me and you, we bumped heads together and you were like, bitch, you trying to work a job? And I was like, Yes, where we going. Listen. I know. We're out here bartending for the what, the future democratic leaders of Philadelphia.
SPEAKER_00Hello? It was one little, it was a gala, and I came across this opportunity in my Penn State alum group chat. So we just finished our classes, and it was like, we look for a bartender. I said, well, look at the universe. Everybody, look, everybody wasted time messaging. I sent that person a direct message, me. Right? And I was like, she was like, oh, can you do it by yourself? I was like, no. But yeah, I can, but I know somebody else I'm an ex, right? And let me tell you kind of hit you up because even when we were in bartending school, like the laughs that we got, whether it was out loud or just in our mind, just listening to these people talk around us, we had an interesting bartending class.
SPEAKER_02Yes, it was a good time. And we that good time really trickled over into that time that we bartended that event because it was just everything. I enjoyed it. And at the end, we split a hefty coin.
SPEAKER_00We did.
SPEAKER_02We okay. So apparently the people love the services, all right?
SPEAKER_00That is so true. And we got the network at the same time. You knew some people there, I knew other people that I wasn't expecting to be there. So it just worked the stuff out. It was a fun experience. They love the drink you made. So you was killing.
SPEAKER_02Listen, and I've again, what did I say? Ever since Bartendon's school, we were just putting things together.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_02And now what I will say too is you know, I really consider you a blessing in my life because even after that event, you mentioned how you were the one who orchestrated it. You even orchestrated another opportunity, right? So the reason I called myself a bottle girl is because after that moment, I started picking up a consistent hustle doing advertising for different alcohol brands. And the person who put me onto that was you.
SPEAKER_00Yep. The person that put me onto that was my mentor. Now let me tell you something about my mentor. My mentor hustler. Her spirit is busy, but you know, she gets the job done, and she is impacting so many lives, and she is collecting the coins along the way. Surely is. So she's been doing that for years. And she was like, Well, since you went to Bart Tensor school, you want to do this? I said, Yep. And she's like, Yeah, they always looking for people. And I said, and I got a plus one to me too. And what I do, hit you up and you hop right on. And you actually lasted longer than I did because I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_02But so we have keyed about that experience too. But again, shout out to your um mentor. I'll just say her name, Naquetta. A beautiful spirit, a beautiful soul. But I will say also, you know, you are just a reflection, and she is just a reflection of you because that beautiful soul that we see in her, we also see in you. Like, even just from this little talk that we have, has it even been five minutes? You have exemplified how when you get a blessing, you pass it on. And I think that's a fabulous segue to go into your passion for service and your passion for mentorship. So please tell the people about your organization and um the fabulous programming that you constantly put on.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so last year I launched the READE initiative, and READIE is an acronym for resiliency, enrichment, and development for you. So I had this program on my mind for so many years. I would say since 2015. I've always thought about it, and I'm like, oh, I need to do this, I need to do this, and I'm like, okay. But last year I had this encounter with a student, and he wrote me this beautiful letter, like just saying thank you. And it just inspired me so much. And I'm like, you know what? Let me launch Ready. And I did it. So Ready is essentially a college readiness program for students that help them navigate the college experience. I think in the city we do a good job of providing resources to help students get to college. But once they get to college, their ability to navigate that experience may not be there, right? It's because we're first generation, you know, depending on the type of school that we went to, our parents, our family members may not be familiar. And higher education is changing so often. So I just thought that this program would be great for, you know, the students of the inner city. I would love to expand it, but I'm just starting, you know, in Philly. I'm trying to get my my friends and family from North Philly or any part of the city just to come to the program. And what I do is I just give them different tools. So I teach them about time management in advance. I teach them about the importance of your AFSPA. I teach them about um, I give them different resources, like, oh, this is how you should study, this is your learning style, you know, all of those different things that's so important because they're available at universities, you know what I'm saying? But if I don't know to look for them, how am I going to take advantage of them?
SPEAKER_02And the wild thing is not only like if you don't know to look for them, a lot of times they're available at universities, but they're not outwardly available, right? Like when you walk onto the campus grounds, it's not like, hey, take this until you got an F.
SPEAKER_00Hello? Or right, so your teacher see you struggling. Like, I've been struggling all this time. So what what like you should have been told me this? Yeah. So now working in higher education, doing academic coaching, you know, being an advisor, you know, and just working with student success and retention, I knew that this is information that's free here, and I'm gonna take it back to I'm gonna take it back to my folks. You know, I'm gonna take it back to my people and I'm gonna teach them because we're getting to college. We have the ability, but we just lack the skills and sometimes we lack the tools to be able to see it all the way through.
SPEAKER_02I love that you highlighted that because you know, you were getting into college, but even when I was an undergrad, I saw so many of my friends who I or you know, people I was acquainted with who like we all started off together, but slowly they'd be falling out, right? And for reasons that could be managed. And the questions that you know myself and some of my peers used to ask is like, yo, why aren't the teachers reaching out and giving resources? Why isn't anyone helping you before, you know, you take that F and you you fall out of the program?
SPEAKER_00Exactly. And you know, a funny, it's not even funny, but it was like I'll never forget the first meeting, like large meeting I had at Penn State, it was like, look to your left, look to your right. You know, the people that you see you may not see when you graduate. Like, what?
SPEAKER_02That's wild.
SPEAKER_00Why?
SPEAKER_02Like You all came here for a degree.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so at that time, I was like, okay, cool, right? But now, as I have grown, you know, and working in higher education now, being a being a social worker, I'm just like, that's not okay. That's not okay. And who's who's hurting the most from this situation? Like the students coming from the inner city. We are product of a broken school district in two layers, okay. So the purpose of Ready in short was just to provide this service to the kid, the students of our community just to help them see it through. Another component that isn't like really official about ready that happens during the event. So this is an in-person event. Well, it was last year. Um it was an in-person event where I wasn't just talking at them, like it was engaging. So I gave all of the students a packet and I said, Okay, this is an experience you're gonna have in college. And we had like different tables set up, and they had to go to the different tables which represented different offices on campus. And I'm like, now, which a scenario, what office do you need to go to? Right? And then the volunteers had a script that they had to, it was it's really engaging, it's very fun, and it really forces the students to like really think, like, oh, I got this financial aid issue, who should I talk to? Or I can't register for classes, who should I talk to? Because sometimes we don't know those things, and sometimes we learn from our peers, like, oh, I had that situation, you should do this, you should talk to this person. Why don't I know that in advance?
SPEAKER_02And it's you know, so right? I love how you even brought up the situation where it's just like, okay, I have this financial aid issue. Some people might be like, Well, Doug, go to the financial aid office, but girl, you might get up in there and the first thing they tell you is, no, send us an email, right? So then you gotta know to be like, oh, can I actually talk to so-and-so who's in this office, but like down the hallway, around the corner and up the three stairs?
SPEAKER_00Or let me talk to my college and see if they got some scholarships available. So I'm telling them it's multiple people on campus, the multicultural student affairs office, they got a scholarship, they got some money in their budget, like, what's up, what we doing? So I just wanted to share this knowledge, and I would say, like, I'm I'm not an expert, if you will. You know what I'm saying? Not yet. But I'm giving informal and formal information. So I'm I'm like, hey, boom, this is fast flood, this is time management, this is how you learn about your learning style, this is how you learn boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Also, let me give you a game real quick. And because we need to talk to our students and we need to talk to our peers, our kids, our, you know, we just need to have conversations, and those conversations aren't being had. So there's many conversations to have in our community, but I just wanted to focus on that. So that is ready. And I'm so excited about ready, and it's it has a lot of great potential, but I just gotta get out my way and just see, I'm sure.
SPEAKER_02See, see. I was about to just give you your laurels and just say, yes, I am also excited for ready, and I'm excited to see how um this organization grows. But here you go saying something to just pull my wig back a little bit. You getting in your way. Talk about it. Talk about it.
SPEAKER_00So even thinking about ready this year, right? I had a great turnout last year. It was the perfect amount of students. You know, I still keep in touch with the participants. So I had one student that went to Lincoln, I had one student that went to Pitt, I had one student that went to Widener, you know. So I keep in touch.
SPEAKER_02Side note, are you writing this down?
SPEAKER_00For what?
SPEAKER_02The people who went to Lincoln, the people who went to Pit, the people who went to Widener. Because that that's data. I hope you got that in your notebook.
SPEAKER_00I got it. It's it's all up here. And I've I've written it down. Okay. But um, I've talked to them throughout, you know, their first year of school. How are you doing? You know, what are you struggling with? How you doing your first round of exams? I work in higher education, so I know like kind of like the timeline. Oh, this is like midterm time, so let me check in. Oh, I know we do EAP, so how you talk to your faculty member, you're going to office hours, so it was like a sense of mentorship. And I know that if I can continue that in the future, that'd be ideal. But getting in my way is that ready has potential to be so big but I prefer for it to stay kind of intimate. You know, I think in in regards to like me being able to manage it because it's just me. Yeah, you know, and in the past I had um a guy that wanted to do ready with me, and he was he was excited. But then I was like, Hold up, partner, like you moving too fast. Like you trying to take my ideas, make it your own. You trying to figure out how you can maximize on it. And I got very protective. And I'm like, nah, I don't want to work with you because you making this something that I'm not ready for it to be. Like, I need this to be baby sex. I need this to be, I need it to be where I'm at so that I can experience it and then move it up. You wanted to. I'm like, whoa, wait, hold up.
SPEAKER_02Ronnie, you're about to make me close my laptop. I'm gonna just let you know this right now. So go ahead, go ahead.
SPEAKER_00So um that was one partner, potential partner, that didn't work out. And now I want it to become bigger, you know. I wanted to elevate, but elevation comes with me having a brand and me having a following. And the little bit that I know about branding and following requires social media. And let me tell you something about this auntie. I love me some Twitter. The Twitter, right? It's like no, I love Twitter, but you lost me when you get to Facebook and Instagram. It requires too much.
SPEAKER_02I would love to step in right now, right? Because I hear you and I appreciate you for being so vulnerable and sharing your concerns when it comes to the growth of your organization. First of all, I I really want to affirm you in the fact that you know you were able to set limits with these people who came in and tried to kind of like shift things because you really wanted to maintain what it sounds like the integrity of what you saw for the program.
SPEAKER_00Exactly.
SPEAKER_02That said, when I hear you say, I'm just one person, when I hear you say, I don't know Facebook, when I hear you say all these things, the thing that's coming back in my spirit is just like, well, you being one person is enough, girl.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's that's me getting in my way though. So that's where it's at. Because I'd be like, all right, Rhonda, COVID going on, like we still gotta get this information out, you know, create already this, create already that, and start posting, you know? But I know that posting comes with engagement, and that requires me to. I mean, I already have the creativity, right? In my mind, I have all of the ideas. If I can just have somebody else to kind of see it through, but that's me getting in my way because I need to do it. I can do it.
SPEAKER_02And so I think there's an interesting, you know, thing that's coming up right now. You're talking about all the fabulous mentorship that you've done. You've seen people go to multiple universities from your community, right? That is data. That is that is proof of the success of your organization already.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02I I love how you're high, you're in it, you're providing an example of the message that you can be this fabulous mentor and still need somebody to speak life into you.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Yes. And I do have my mentors, like they do speak life into me, they do hold me to the fire, they do hold me accountable, you know. And one thing about me is that I say things just because if it's in a universe, I gotta get it done. Like I have to say it. Yeah. So I think even with this conversation now, you know, just me acknowledging it, you know, saying it out loud, and now people hearing it, you know, it's like, all right, Rhonda, you said it now. You know what you know what you're doing. You know what you need to do. You need to tighten up. Yeah. And I know what I need to get done. So I gotta tighten up and I have to make it happen. But it just comes with like the the ebbs and flows of like just trying to do so much and trying to pay it forward. And it's not always as simple as you think it's gonna be. It requires time, it requires energy, it requires commitment, it requires all of these things, and I know that that's something that I need to strengthen, and then once I become stronger in those fields, then I can, you know, pass it along. But the thing about it is I already be paying it for it. I'd be like, No, you need to do that. Don't tell me you got an idea. I'm be like, ah, you need to do that. What you need me to do? But I just need to do it to myself.
SPEAKER_02You spoke a word for the listeners because there are a lot of us who are in the same situation. Not only are we making things happen, but we recognize that there's so much more that we can make happen. And the same things, the same ways that we can show up for people and be effective and tell folk, listen, don't tell me about your idea, make that idea happen. We need to redirect that word right into ourselves. We need to move out of the space of just being givers of advice, but we need to be takers of the advice that we give. And so I encourage you on today, and I'm excited for I know that you are going to make ready larger. I again want to affirm the fact that you have already impacted the lives of so many students. It can only go for it, it can only go further.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. Exactly.
SPEAKER_02So we are already there. Now, in addition to mentorship, you have a passion for black women and black girls and talking about their issues. So I want to talk about uh something that you tweeted as early as yesterday. And you were like, this is what you tweeted. I'm ready to have the conversation about the alarming numbers of black girls and women gone missing. There have been talking points about these trends in a few social media posts, but I believe that lacks depth. This needs to be discussed and addressed ASAP. So me being me, I don't really know too much about the alarming numbers of black girls and black women missing. Like throughout over the past couple of years, you've heard different things, and there have been moments, you know, having black women and black girls in my life. I've been like, ooh, in this area, I've been texting my homegirls, watch out. But I really didn't know, you know, I really wanted to like understand the numbers. So I went to the internet and women's media center news said that six years ago, they highlighted how the hashtag bring back our girls started to bring awareness to the almost 300 girls in Nigeria who were being kidnapped by Boko Haram. In 2017, the hashtag came back again. Because the girls getting kidnapped, the attention moved from Nigeria to Washington, DC. So there were a huge number of girls who were being kidnapped at that time, right? And that's when I started texting my homegirls like, You all right, you good, be careful. Now, this article that I was reading, and it was from February 2020, again from Women's Media Center News, said that there's an estimated 64,000 to 75,000 black women and girls currently in the US who are missing. And so I really wanted to take this moment. I'm so happy to have you on the show. I wanted to shut up and give you space as a black woman to provide your reactions to this current condition.
SPEAKER_00You know what? It's it's so many layers. It's a very complex topic to even dive into because when I tweeted that yesterday, I tweeted it because constantly on my timeline. I recently, recently, this person missing, that person missing, oh, this woman is missing, this young girl is missing. I'm just like, wait, that's a different person from the day before. Yeah who are all of these black women and young girls missing, and why? And why? Like, what is going on? Yeah. And being from Philadelphia, you know, I see posts, so it's different types of posts, right? So you know the Facebook post and the Twitter posts.
SPEAKER_02We both know there is a difference. There is a difference.
SPEAKER_00A big difference. There's a big, big difference. But when I get on Facebook, you know, just to catch up on everybody's tea, because I don't post, I just be there for the tea. And oh, my girlfriend's daughter missing, my grandfather, my grandfather, my girlfriend's son missing, you know, on Facebook, my initial thought is, are they missing or did they run away? Because I that that context is important, right? Like, did they run away? Because being a former family therapist, I had clients that ran away all the time, right? So I'm like, okay, did they run away? What like what I need context? I'm not the type of person that, you know, quick to respond. I'm just not, that's just not me. Like, I need context, I need to think, I need to process. I need as much information as possible for before I get out here just talking. Because one thing about me is like I'm really big on accountability. And I'm really big on the idea that whatever I say, I'm backing up because what I said is what I meant.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Okay. I'm willing to learn, I'm willing to receive, but that's just how I move. So just seeing, you know, on Facebook the missing, I'm like, well, did they run away? Because that lends itself to another conversation that needs to be had. Like these, these, the the youth in the city, from my experience, and I'm only going to speak from my experience and from what I know, you know, is that they're running away because of something that's going on in a home most times, right? So it could be different forms of abuse, it could be neglect, it can, it could be so many reasons. Or, you know, let's call it spade a spade. They probably hiding the pins. They want to negotiate with boyfriend or girlfriend. They they want to follow the rules, you know, so so many different reasons. So when so I see that over there on Facebook, and I'm like, we need to do something. Like, it's so many layers to this that we need to address. Yeah. And we know what's going on in the city. We know what's going on with our community. Let's just talk about our community. We know. So I'm like, we need to, we got it's so much work to be done. And where do you start? Right? Because you can jump in there, as soon as you jump in there, you burnt out.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00Because it's not only one issue, there's so many issues, and once you get to the root of that issue, you realize that that's not even the beginning. That's been going on for years. That's generational. That's that's something that's communal. It's just so many layers to it. On Twitter, when I see, I'm seeing girls missing from all over the country at this point, right? So it's not local now and it's broadening. I'm seeing, I'm seeing these, oh, retweet, retweet, retweet. Yeah. I'm just like, that's not enough. That's not enough. I would and it's just I just struggle with the words to really kind of express the feelings because my feelings are so loaded.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Right? It's exhausting. I am, I am, you know, you know, it's I'm tired. I'm tired. And it's just like, for me personally, I'm just like, if you think you're tired now, if I was to really, really get into it, I know that I would be in a constant state of rage. And I'm not there yet where I'm in that constant state of rage. I'm kind of in survival mode, you know what I'm saying? So you just take that information and you just move different. And you like you do, like you reach out to your friends, you know, you saw this, be careful, be careful, be careful. But that ain't on us to be like we gotta be careful. Like we already taught that. Yeah. Why do our lives have to be so not policed in a sense, but why do our life, why do we have to go above and beyond in order to be careful? You know, that's not on us. That's not on us. You know what I'm saying? So let's get to the root of these issues, whether it be the sex trafficking that is crazy. Right? Like, if you look into sex trafficking, the data that's there. I watched this interview on a breakfast club with this lady. I wish I would have looked, I should have looked up her name. And she was sex trafficked before. She was running the sex trafficking rink, and now she's saving girls, right? And she said this one story, it's on the Breakfast Club. Please look it up, y'all. It's a really good interview. It's it can be heavy on your spirit. So let me get that trigger warning. But it's a good interview. But she was telling the story about how she was in New York and she heard about a sex trafficking ring that was happening in West Philly. Okay, because it's a little bit too close to home. It was happening in West Philly, and she had to save some girls, but it's because she knows the life. You know what I'm saying? And this is it's too much information out there of the impact that it's having on black women and black young girls. And I'm I'm not trying to exclude that it's not happening in other populations, but our focus today.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, no, our focus is. I'm not here for them.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I'm not here for them. I'm talking about black women because I'm a black woman. It's just mind-blowing and it's it's scary. It's scary.
SPEAKER_02I have a question for you. Not even a question, but I there are two things that I want to pull out from what you were saying. Because when you were talking about how the messages you saw on Facebook, you were like, all right, let's be real, this person's missing, but did they run away? And you said on Twitter, you were just like, All right, you're seeing it not only in your community. So the question of did they run away kind of gets a little blurry. You're seeing it in multiple communities. Can you bridge the group the gap and talk about the let's bridge the gap between the messages on Facebook and Twitter and talk about how complex this issue is, right? Because going back to that article that I read, you know, when you talk about black, uh missing black women and missing black girls, I love how you pinpointed that that topic of being a runaway. Because the article mentioned that so many, there's like an overrepresentation of black women and black girls who are classified as just runaways. And that's an interesting thing to point out because runaways don't get amber alerts. Runaways don't get that larger exposure to say, hey, look out for so-and-so, they're missing. Runaways just get, okay, that's on them. They'll come back when they come back.
SPEAKER_00Nor do they get the attention of the systems that's supposed to protect us. Right? So if I like if if somebody ran away, you can't what you gonna go to the police? You oh, how long they've been, how long they've been missing. Why is that your question? Like, okay, now you know how long they be missing, then what you gonna do? Mm-hmm. And I couldn't tell you what the police do when with these tip these cases, because I know that's not where my people go. Well, my family. I'm talking about my family. Yeah. Like we're gonna we're gonna work within our network to try to make it happen. We're gonna make the report for formalities, but that's just a formality. Like, we're not even depending on this system, which is like the police or detectives or whatever, to warrant any type of results.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So we gotta go above and beyond and say, okay, let's let's hit the ground. Let's let's we, I mean, it depends on the circumstances with my family. Like, are we knocking on doors or we just like trying to talk to different people and just see? But it's just it's exhausting because when you think about runaways or you think about missing, let's just say missing, what work is being done? Like, I would love to know what is the procedure for when this is happening, because it's at an alarming rate for black women. And we're already, in a sense, I I don't like the word disposable. Um, I don't like the word invisible because that's that that's that's really complex and it's it's loaded. And I haven't processed those words because I don't identify with the words, right? I don't think I'm invisible, I don't think I'm disposable.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00But I know that as a collective, you know, sometimes black women may identify as that. Like I see those words a lot in the conversation uh in light of like everything that's going on, but would you say that they identify as it, or would you say that they're positioned as that? That's a good point. I would say position. I would say position because it's I I don't know. I can only speak for myself, and that's that's the goal. Yes, like I want to speak for myself. I don't want to speak on behalf of all black women, I really don't, because I don't want to misspeak, you know what I'm saying? I don't want to generalize because we have very different walks of life, we have very different experiences. So when I say position, yeah, because we gotta work so much harder to accomplish things, to get the respect and get the get the acknowledgments that mediocracy gets across the board. And I'm like, I did that. So why you ain't see me when I did that? So it's it's it's just so loaded the experience, but I'm I kind of lost my train of thought, so I kind of want to try to bring it back to what I was saying before in regards to like the invisible piece and disposable. And I said that because I was thinking about the processes that we experience when we do report something that's going on in regards to being missing or being a runaway. It's reporting now what? Like, what are y'all doing? And clearly, we it there's no evidence that what you're doing is effective because of the numbers, right? Because it's not, it's not uh, it's not we are more than a trending topic. We are more than a hashtag.
SPEAKER_02Speak about it.
SPEAKER_00You know, and it's this needs to be addressed. Like, what is going on? And I don't want to rely on the media, you know, because that's you, right? That's that's their own experience over there. I don't wanna first of all I don't who can we rely on? This is it becomes so loaded. Like, who can we rely on but ourselves or you know, but our community, but then we got so many other battles we fight in. And it's just like I don't say that our battle gets pushed to the side, but it's just we we gotta acknowledge that the priorities can range, and then where do this fall in those priorities? So when I tweeted that yesterday, yeah, that's that's what hit me because it shook me to my core. Like my spirit was off. It would just, I kept seeing it, but this one that one time that I saw it, that's when it clicked. And I was like, nah, something not right here. Something not right.
SPEAKER_02I really just want to highlight some of the things you are driving because there's so many pieces, important pieces to what you're saying. One, black women carry a lot of the movements and do a lot of the work that we see on a communal level, right? You mentioned uh something along the lines of that. I love how you're framing all of this in a social media context, saying how you know, you're not just a hashtag. Earlier in this conversation, you said retweets are not enough. You're not just a trending topic. And if we're gonna call the thing a thing, that's what we see a lot of the time. I love how you're saying what's next. I just want to, you know, put a trigger warning out there, but I want to just list some stats. Um, again, from this article coming from uh Women's Media Center News, that African American girls comprise over 40% of domestic sex trafficking victims in the US. Um Domestic.
SPEAKER_00Domestic.
SPEAKER_02Reports are saying that approximately 60% of black girls are sexually assaulted before turning 18. And even conservative estimates indicate that at least 40% of black girls are sexually victimized before their 18th birthday. The layers. The layers. So many layers. And then even when we talk about layers like homelessness, poverty that can impact, you know, black girls and black women running away, being victimized, being abducted, right? There's so many layers going on here. And, you know, just as how you were shipped to your core, your spirit was shipped. What was triggering me, because you know, going back to social media, down to the Twitters, we're seeing this conversation of black women constantly speaking out, constantly providing examples of ways that their lives are not being valued, providing constant examples of ways that, you know, they're being assaulted and nobody's listening. And with all of this happening, there are black uh Twitter, black community, outside of the black community members, people in general, right? Let me let me be intentional about these words. There are people in general who engage in victim blaming and who also like still have question marks and scrunched up faces when we say protect black women. And I get so confused about that because we even saw that last week. There are people who were talking about there are black women who are talking about their sexual assault, there are black women talking about being missing, and you see different people responding like what? What are you talking about? What are your responses, Rhonda, to the ways that we um who don't identify with black womanhood respond to black womanhood?
SPEAKER_00What are my responses? A lot of a lot of my responses are written in my journal. And I would say a lot of my responses are situational. So I it's hard for me to have a response. It's not hard for me to have a response generally because it's right is right and wrong is wrong, and this is what it is, and we're gonna acknowledge it, we're gonna hold you accountable, and that's what it's gonna be. So my response varies every time. I'm not gonna lie to you, and sometimes my responses forces me to check myself and to check my privilege because even as a black woman, I have certain levels of privileges that aren't afforded to other people, whether that be because of my income, whether that be because of my education level, whether that be because I'm in therapy, all right? Let's talk about it. I think that sometimes I gotta check myself and be like, you know what, Rhonda? Like, that ain't you, you, you, you, you moving funny. Like you're not responding, you're not, you're not looking at this picture holy. And so my responses vary because, you know, based off of the information that is provided, you know, you can't stay surface level with these topics because there's so many layers. So my responses come from the context of what we're talking about. Because if I can't even give an example, but I just like to address everything in its whole. And I don't like having no surface level conversations. Like, let's get down to the nitty-gritty. Like, like, let's talk about it. And because it comes with everything comes with so many nuances, and everything is so complex when it comes to the black woman and the black woman experience and different environments, or just in general, how like our lives, you know, it's it's just it's very loaded. So to that, I say my response varies every time. Yeah, but I will say that when it when I do respond, you know, I'm not I respond with my heart and my intention and my spirit being to contribute to the conversation in a productive manner. You know, and I think sometimes we get so we get we get so caught up in survival mode. Not we, I'm gonna say I. I I get so caught up in survival mode that I only see one one target. Like I'm just this is where I'm going. But I I I'm trying to live a life where I can just kind of see everything, like all sides of these different situations. Like, why did this, how did we even get here? You know, and whether it be internal within our community, or if it's outside of our community and these different interactions that we have with others, there's always a deeper conversation to be had. You know, so when I respond, you know, I try to respond in a space where what I'm saying can be received, I can learn and I can educate, and I can just speak for on behalf of myself. And that's what I try to do.
SPEAKER_02Speaking of your response, you really touched on something that's so important. You highlighted that your privileges, some of the privileges that you hold, can impact the ways that you respond to different groups who may not have that privilege. Do you find, like when you do kind of that self-self-reflection, do you find that sometimes your privileges can also inform the ways you respond to other black women who may not have those privileges? Because I'm just thinking about the ways that like somehow, sometimes when we as oppressed people gain certain privileges, we sometimes become the oppressor.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I I would like to say that I'm not, I'm not an like an oppressive type of person. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not condescending, I don't look down on people. You know, I meet people where they at. And I have the duality in the person that I am, is that I can go in different environments and be able to adapt and adjust. You know what I'm saying? Like I joke with my friends all the time, like, and they know sometimes you may get, you know, JT, sometimes you may get Jill Scott, sometimes you may get Janae. You know, it's I got so many different sides of me where I can, I'm versatile, and I think all black women are versatile, you know what I'm saying? Because we can't afford to be one way or one layer. Like we have too much depth to our experience that we can't afford that. We have to be able to adapt and adjust and just be able to move in and out of these different experiences because again, it's kind of like a a survival type of mechanism that we have. Um, but speaking of my privilege, you know, I do think that as someone that reflects a lot, someone that thinks a lot, someone that's always that want to learn. Like I'm so eager to learn. When all these different events are happening, it's just like sometimes it'll be catching me off guard, and I'll just be like, wait, let me let me form my own opinion. Let me do some research, let me learn, you know what I'm saying? And I even do that before I try to even engage in conversations with people, you know what I'm saying? Because we can easily like not become somebody else's opinion, but others' opinions can be strong, and it can you it could kind of become your own. It's just like, no, like let me make sure I'm prepared. Like, you know. So um it's a lot, it's a lot, and to the point I when I check my privileges, it does impact my reaction to things. And it's required, it's required. We have to, we have to think about the way that we respond to stuff. We just can't respond based off of emotion. That is uh, I think that that is one of the biggest the like that's a I don't want to say mistake, it's a word that I'm it's it's it's not it's not beneficial for you to just always respond so emotionally to me. You know, you gotta you gotta back your emotions up because emotions can be temporary. We know that. You know, so we don't and we and we also know that emotions can be skewed based off of perspective. It can emotions can be received differently. You know, it's just so many, so we just gotta I don't know. Like I just it's just I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm like I have so many. Any thoughts in my mind, so it's like I'm just like trying to catch them and be able just to like formulate them and put them into words because even when like preparing for this, like I knew I would get to this point where I wouldn't be able to kind of like even have a full conversation that I know I'm capable of and I know that is needed because I just have so many emotions that be happy.
SPEAKER_02It's a heavy topic. It is totally a heavy topic.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it'd be so many emotions, it'd be so many thoughts, it'd be a lot of dissonance with myself. You know, it's just like, well, why aren't you responding a certain way? Or why are you responding this way? Or it's just like, well, check yourself. And then it's just like, well, no, you can you can agree to disagree with somebody, you can have your opinion that's based off of my experiences, you know. Um, and it just comes with a lot of great dissonance because I just be having so many thoughts, and I just be wanting, and then with me and with my thoughts, it just be like, I don't be wanting. If them thoughts become emotions, whoo, let's talk about exhaustion, you know, and then they can easily just become so many emotions, and they're just like, Well, what do I do with this? Like, what am I about to do with these emotions? You know, working out self-care, all of that, that ain't enough. That ain't enough, and I think that kind of just makes me want to kind of just jump in and be like, all right, this is what I need to do. That's why I'm always like trying to find different ways that I can get involved, different, finding different organizations, you know, locally. I prefer to do local, you know. I give my coin when I got it, you know. I I try to at least. But I don't want to just be a financial person. I want to be on the ground, like I want to do the work. I want it's important. I want to do the work, I want to be in the mix. You know, I want to be on the front line, I want to just do what I can. And sometimes, you know, it's a lot of it's gonna be a lot of people, a lot of people in the kitchen, and a lot of people with opinions, a lot of people got a lot to say, you know, a lot of people know the buzzwords. You know, I prefer to stay out there part of the kitchen. Let me know when it's time to show up and do the work.
SPEAKER_02I really want to thank you for being vulnerable and saying that, you know, this topic is so heavy that it really puts you in a space of emotions where sometimes you don't even know what to say, right? There's just so many things, there's so many combating thoughts that sometimes it's even hard to get a thought out. And I want to highlight that this we want to create space for that. So this podcast is to create community. And sometimes when you create in community, sometimes you don't even know what to say.
SPEAKER_01I don't, right?
SPEAKER_02I'd be a person be like, on certain topics, it's just like I I don't I don't know, but I know that I'm feeling something. And again, I'm saying that this topic is heavy and it also runs deep. Another thing we just we look at the response in regard to incidences that we see like um Nina Pop, incidences that we see like Ola Watoy and Salau, um, incidences that we see like um, I don't want to I don't want to misspeak on her name.
SPEAKER_00Um but the names that you listed were enough. It's like it's not even enough, but why are there more names?
SPEAKER_02Why are there like And not just uh black cis women, right? There are black trans women who are also being affected by all of this, right? And I'm I'm so sorry that like um oh my goodness, my mind like absolutely went blank with her name. Um Ayana Dior. So when we think of all of it's it's not just black cis women, it's black trans women. So Ayanna Dior, um she was uh basically jumped, attacked, I don't even know what to call it. She was attacked by a crowd of over 30 men, right? Over something as small as a fender bender fender bender. Oh my goodness, words. And then when we think of the responses, particularly by cisgender black men to all of these evidences, some of the responses are negative, some of the responses I would say are well-intentioned. But I'm starting to see a lot of black cis men asking, what can we do? Right. And for me, that feels as a black cis man, it feels a little invalidating, right? Because black women have been saying for the longest time, well, here's what you can do. And even thinking back to this conversation I recently read between Audrey Lorde and um James Baldwin. And Audre Lorde was literally like, Black women are saying, Stop killing us. And James Baldwin is saying, Well, what about the black man's anger? How do we fix that? And I'm just like, you see that invalidation, just the not listening. And so even though it's well intentioned, you know, these these voices saying, What can we do? How can we help? How do you react to that? Do you think it's a little performative? Do you think it's actually helping? Do you like how are you processing this?
SPEAKER_00You want to know something. I don't, like, I don't. Because if you like if you if you wanted to, you would do it. Like you would, why do I have to tell you? Why do I have to tell you what to do with that?
SPEAKER_02You would teach yourself, you would, you would put yourself in black women's shoes, you would do what okay.
SPEAKER_00I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't be responsible. What can I do? You know, and you want to know something, not to even take it off of this topic. But for me, I got that question, like, what can I do to help? From um, after all of the protests, you know, all of the deaths of these black men, the name, like the the list of names, it's just like, oh my goodness. But you know, my white counterparts would say, Hey Rhonda, reaching out, let me know what I can do.
SPEAKER_02White people do that to us all the time. This is why I be having my reactions. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00I'm not responding. I'm not responding. Like I'm wrapped out. Like you already knew this was a problem. Don't come to me now because it's in your face and you weren't comfortable. Yeah. I'm not don't, I'm not, no.
SPEAKER_03I'm not.
SPEAKER_00And I had to tell a few of them, I said, hey, you know, I received your message. Not right now. You know, when I'm ready to talk about it, you know, when I'm ready to even have this conversation, because the conversation is being had. You can be a part of these conversations. You can be a part of trying to understand and not even trying to understand. You see it. Yeah. It's there. Like you know what's up. Like you know what needs to change, you know what needs to happen. Don't ask me to tell you what to do when it's already there. Like it's point blank, period. What we're saying, we're saying it. We are saying it. What more do you want me to say? And I think that's- I'm not simplifying anything for you. Yeah. I'm not simplifying it, I'm not making it easy, I'm not doing none of that. Like, if you wanted to do something, you're gonna do it, and that's how you that's how you're gonna carry it. That's it.
unknownThat's it.
SPEAKER_02And I think that is definitely what triggers me, right? Because the same way in which um a lot of my cis black male brothers are asking, you know, what can we do? White people ask us that all the time. What can we do? And our response to that is, girl, what you mean, what can you do? Do you not see what's going on? And so that's why it just shows you again how when you have when you obtain a certain privilege or when you fall into a certain privilege sphere, sometimes you can react in the same way that the oppressors that you are speaking out against.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02And that's one thing that I think you know we need to definitely be mindful of. And I appreciate you for engaging me in this conversation. I know we could go in depth um for much longer, but I think this bite did something to my soul, and I hope it helped you. I know you're still processing all of this.
SPEAKER_00You let it know something is like it was a heavy topic. I'm happy we had the conversation. My spirit is so heavy right now, and there is so much that I want to say. I don't know what to say. And this is my experience often. I don't know what to say. I don't know, it's it takes a lot of processing, and this processing don't happen overnight. Sure. It'd be taking days, it be taking days. I'd be like, oh, like, so I just want to process everything because what's gonna happen is I'm gonna be faced with it very soon. Again, it's gonna happen again. Whatever the circumstances, right? It's gonna happen again. So when it happens again, and I have new feelings to process, hopefully these feelings are processed that can help me with the future ones to come. You know what I'm saying? Because it it's just so much, it's so much, it's so much. It's it's loaded. It's it's a it's a lot of conversations to be had, but there's also a lot of intersectionality, and that right there should be the pause that people take before they respond. Because it's none of this stuff is a single layer. There's so many layers to it, and we have to be mindful of the things that we say because words hurt, words have meanings, and words can hurt people. And you know, even with the conversation that we had, you know what I'm saying? Like, I I love the conversation that we just had, and I know that words can be heavy, and I just hope that I selected the right words where that the listeners can understand my heart, my spirit, and my intention behind what I said. And if I misspoke, you know what I'm saying, let's have a conversation about it. Because it's needed, like we need to have a conversation where we're not judging each other, where we're not canceling people. You know, it it gets heavy. It gets heavy. Humph cancel culture. It's it's a good key every once in a while, but then sometimes you can be like, uh, let me let me let me so, yeah.
SPEAKER_02You know, I'm really having a reaction right now. Um, a part of this show, what we do is we focus on life and then we focus on relationships and go into a bit of a Kiki section uh session section, whatever you want to call it. Um I don't know if I want to do that today. Like, I how are you feeling? Because we're we literally just moved out of a a heavy topic. I don't want to be insensitive and just be like, all right, well, girl, tell me about your relationships. What are you feeling in this moment? How would you like to move forward?
SPEAKER_00I want to, I'm okay with it. I'm I'm okay with us continuing the conversation because this is this is regular for me. You know, like I have to go from these loaded conversations to another conversation, you know, whether I want to or I don't most days. So it's just like it's it's a sad reality, but but it's saying, and I'm not saying let me say this. I want the full experience of being on this podcast as a listener, as you know, a friend, as a supporter. I want the full experience. So I'm okay. Yeah, yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_02Well, we will move forward, but I also just want to say, just because you are used to it, right? Used to going from one conversation to another, that's an invalidating experience. So you don't have to be used to it on this. So I'm glad I um could offer you that option, and I'm I'm happy to to make that transition.
SPEAKER_00I appreciate that, and I appreciate you putting that on my spirit that it's an invalidating experience that I don't have to accept and I don't have to, I don't have to normalize. Yeah. Because the way I just said it, I normalized it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And you just telling me, like, ah, no, no. Check yourself, check that situation that you find that you find yourself in. Let's check that. So I received that. I really do.
SPEAKER_02Well, the unofficial theme of season one of Rose and Thorns is the essential work of life and relationships.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_02And now you and I have had a few talks off air. I remember us going down to what's it called, the Mad Mex and eating up all their wings and drinking their margaritas and having a good old time.
SPEAKER_00You know they closed that Mad Max side note, but I'm sorry. They closed it in my heart.
SPEAKER_02Wait, excuse they closed the one in Winwood? Yes, they did. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_00No more big ass margaritas for us.
SPEAKER_02I am sick. Because you know they closed the one in U City.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yep.
SPEAKER_02So my heart is so sick.
SPEAKER_00Listen, I when I saw that, I was like, the last time I was there, I had the time of my life with you. They're just gonna take those opportunities and experiences away from me.
SPEAKER_02Rhonda, I'm about to end the whole show. I'm really hurting.
SPEAKER_00Yep, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, go ahead. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to prove it. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_02Well, we talked about life, right? And now we talked about our relationship with wings, but let's also talk about the relationship. Um, specifically, you know, you described something. Um, you gave me this sentence, and I'm just gonna repeat it to the people. Um, you wanted to talk about embracing sexuality and your desires without overthinking, second guessing yourself, or thinking about what others will think about you.
SPEAKER_00Again, another mooted topic. I think the primary when I said that statement, and when I think about sexuality, I'm thinking about the experience. So I am a heterosexual woman, woman. Um, I love men, right? Me too. Sometimes sometimes the men don't be giving me enough because I be wanting a full experience. Yes, but they be so quick to half-ass you, I'm just like, no, that's not okay. That's not okay. And I think that what I struggle with growing up, and I'm doing the work with you and with you know, others, and just doing the work with myself, of just saying, it's okay if I want more, it's okay for me to express it, it's okay for me to want what I want. You know what I'm saying? If I don't, you know, let's get creative, let's have fun. You know, because I think I want to have fun. I I haven't had a lot of fun, but I'm now getting to the point where I can say, well, this is what I want. This is what I want you to do. So if I want you to choke me a little bit harder, let's do that. You know, if I want us to invite different things into the bedroom, such as, you know, different toys and stuff like that, let's do that. Also, let me not be held back by thinking of how you're gonna think about me, um, your ego, uh, and just so many different things. So when I say sexuality, I say that because I want to be like my full self and not only on the outside, but in the bedroom also. And I don't want to feel like, okay, well, we did that. Thanks. Like, that wasn't enough, but I mean, if that's what you got, all right. No, that's not okay. And I I just had to come to terms with that. Like, I'm tired of getting this, I'm tired of this couple minutes, and I don't be done, and then I gotta after you leave, then I gotta do the like no, like I didn't waste the time at this point because if that was the case, I could have left you out.
SPEAKER_03He heard you.
SPEAKER_00So, so that's what I mean when I made that statement. Like, I'm just trying to be authentic in who I am as a sexual being, and you know, in the bedroom.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00If I want to be sexy, let me be sexy and I think about it, you know?
SPEAKER_02What were the messages you received as a young person growing up? Because I'm hearing a lot of before you made this decision to be authentic about your sexuality, you were really concerned about your male partner and his pleasure and his pleasure alone. And like if you, you know, got pleasure from it or not, it was just like, oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00So I know this sounds horrible, but I really cannot remember my mom having the birds and the bees conversation with me, right?
SPEAKER_02So a lot of our experience?
SPEAKER_00I a lot of the conversation about sex began and end with don't get pregnant, use protection. Right? So a lot of the things that I was exposed to came from conversation with your girlfriends, you know, you might watch a video here or there, and now more than ever on social media, you see it all the time. You see it all the time, and I'm just like, why does that people live in?
SPEAKER_02You may have an account for it.
SPEAKER_00Oh, oh, you did the inter person again? Oh, this is a this is a theme. So I think that is what kind of made me overcome the lack of you know, conversation that I had growing up, and to say, you know what? If this I knew I was missing something before, but now that I've been exposed to it, I don't want to miss it no more. And I'm just gonna step into it and figure it out. I know like a lot of my family members, they aren't really sexual beings, you know, and like they're not really like super sexual. They have sex, but you know, they're not from what I know. I don't know what they do behind closed doors, but yes they're not really sexual beings. Like, we're not talking about you don't really hear you don't hear sex in a positive tone. Yeah, I haven't, I haven't heard sex in a positive tone. I've heard sex in a negative way, you know, given traumatic experiences. And I've heard about sex, like, oh yeah, we had sex, and cool, that was it. And so it really takes the pleasure out. Yeah, yeah. So it's just like it's so much. I'm learning, like, there's so much more to it. You know what I'm saying? And I'm learning more about myself, and I'm learning more about what the experience has potential to be, besides let me lay on my back, let me turn around and arch my back. You done? Because you done, and I gotta be done. No, no, uh-uh, you done, I'm not done. So this is not complete. So, what we gonna do to make sure that I get done? Yeah, because we both need to get done, and I think it became frustrating to me that you know, having sex, and I'm just like, damn, I wanna keep going. You know, I wanna I wanna keep doing, and maybe keep going don't actually mean penetration, it may be some other level of intimacy or some other level of like a sexual experience. But when you think about sex at the basic level, it's just penetration. No, that's not enough of me, and that's what I'm learning now. Yes, now that was a lot to share with people. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02Listen, but you you just broke you set somebody free. I know it because there's somebody who's definitely have had who's had the same experience as you, and they are looking for a way out. And I know that you just saying that just broke their chains. Come on, Tasha Cobbs, you broke every chain. You broke the chain.
SPEAKER_00I hope that this conversation, you know, planted the seed with somebody, and they was like, you know what, I listen to that and I feel good. That's what I want.
SPEAKER_01I just want everybody to feel good.
SPEAKER_00I hope.
SPEAKER_02Question for you Yeah, how has your decision to live a more pleasure-filled life in the bedroom impacted your experience of living a pleasure-filled life outside of the bedroom?
SPEAKER_00Wow, that's a great question.
SPEAKER_02And maybe it's you know, answer still loading.
SPEAKER_00Answer is still loading. I will say that because I think this was, I mean, don't kill me, y'all. It's not like a new year, new me type of thing. But I really committed to this at the top of the year. Because it just was like, I'm not like last year I learned some things, and coming into this year, I'm just like, all right, I learned that, I'm not doing that again, and I this is what I want moving forward. And as I step into my authenticity more, so I that's like a the work I've been doing. Yeah. Like who who who am I really? And as I started stepping into that, then I kind of opened the door a little bit more to what we're talking about right now. But I haven't been able to really get into it because COVID. But also, you know, I haven't met I haven't met new people and led with this.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So, and I'm not definitely not going backwards, you know, it's just like, all right, that happened. You there, that was fun, cool, no hard feelings. I see you when I see you. You know, and now it's just like I don't uh, you know, I haven't I haven't led with this with anybody else yet. So, but in regards, so that's one part, one piece. But this whole journey walk or this whole walk of authenticity has been really rewarding, really refreshing. It's been it's one of the biggest blessings I've ever received because it's it's necessary, it's necessary, and we gotta take off the mask and just live, you know, and I found that I my living was always kind of hindered based off of what others would think about me. And now I'm stepping out of that, and that's not only in one aspect of my life, but like my entire life and my whole Self, you know, the whole me.
SPEAKER_02Rhonda, I love that. I love that. And that is a good place to just put a pen. What I will say is just double back. I understand that you, you know, don't have anyone right now due to the circumstances being what they are, but this is a perfect time to understand your own pleasure for yourself deeper and deeper. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Heard you. I I ordered that book from your uh homegirls.
SPEAKER_02Shout out to my sisters at Afro Sexology.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Please check out their website. Please check out all of the essential resources and just knowledge that they be dropping. I'm so grateful for them. And I didn't even meet them. So I'm maybe I can put that little plug in for them because it's it's important. It's important work to do.
SPEAKER_02Yes. Shout out to my girls at Afro Sexology. Um, now we always kind of complete the interview portion. I hate calling the interview portion. This ain't no job. Um, but Rhonda, just complete this sentence.
SPEAKER_00Happiness is happiness is peace. Happiness is peace. And when I say peace, peace is with yourself, with what's going on around you, with just finding it. Because with all of the chaos of the world, you gotta, you gotta find peace or you gonna go crazy. Like you will go crazy. So my happiness is always grounded in my peace. Because when somebody comes and interrupt my peace, oh that happiness goes out the window.
SPEAKER_01It's a problem.
SPEAKER_00It's a problem. And we're gonna address this problem. So I you gotta maintain your peace at all costs. And you know, once you at peace with yourself and with anything else that's going on, your happiness is just gonna start to show through. You know, you're gonna walk with a sense of happiness. You're gonna walk with like, you know, you're gonna walk with just I don't know. It's just an amazing feeling when you like at peace and you're at peace. It's like, ooh.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Love it.
SPEAKER_02Yes. Now, after we have all this conversation, we move into a part of the show called Let's Spin the Rose Bottle.
SPEAKER_00Let's spin it. Spin it, spin it, spin it, spin it.
SPEAKER_02I spent what, an hour and some change, an hour. Who knows what the time is, right? I've spent all this time asking you questions. Now I like to give at the end of the show the guests a moment to ask me a question, right? It can be juicy, it can be dry, it can be nothing, and we move on. But I have to give an answer. What's your question?
SPEAKER_00How did you come into your authenticity?
SPEAKER_02Mmm.
SPEAKER_00That's a loaded question. Because you could be, I know.
SPEAKER_02It could be many things.
SPEAKER_00But and I think that right on your spirit.
SPEAKER_02And I would say I'm still, I think authenticity is a it's not just a point that you reach, but it's a daily commitment. Yeah. Um, so how did I get to a point of daily committing to authenticity? Well, I got tired of the fake shit.
SPEAKER_00Hello. Okay.
SPEAKER_02Truly, right? It wears on you emotionally, it wears on you physically, um, it it makes you really anxious. It because you're always working to put up this front, right? Um yeah, I got tired of the fake shit. I think that's the that's the why, that's the how, that's the point. And now I'm I'm daily committing to being as authentic as possible.
SPEAKER_00Man, let me tell you something. I think that's what I love the most about you. Because when you be giving us life, when you post your pictures, when you post shit pictures, videos, yes, oh I'll be like, yes. I love it every time. And when just how you lead with that, when you're talking to others, when you are educating others, like you educate, I learned so much from you, and our friendship has only been for a year. So I learned so much from you, but I know that this is your true self, and you because you lead with that, it just makes me feel like I can lead with that too. And sometimes we have those different, we have difficult conversations, yeah, and those difficult conversations come at a great deal of vulnerability, but you just provide that space, and that's something that I really value about our relationship.
SPEAKER_02Rhonda, I really thank you for that, and I receive all of those words. I really do. Thank you. That really blessed me. Um, and I thank you so much for coming on to the show, right? Uh-huh. Is there anything you want to plug? Any Instagrams, any social medias, any projects?
SPEAKER_00Just be on the lookout for ready. Um maybe once I get all of the social media handles and everything like that, we can add it to the description. Absolutely. So it's not going to be there right away, but just keep revisiting this episode. If you appreciate what I was talking about already, if you feel like you want to support it, um, just come and check back in the description and I'll be sharing all of that with you all.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And that's it. I'm not, I'm not really a social media bull, so I just You're an auntie. I don't have I don't have a lot of social media. I be on Twitter, but I look, I just be there for the cattle.
SPEAKER_02I heard you loud and clear.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Well, I thank you again so much for coming on, guys, guys and gals, and in between, this has been another episode of the Roseanne Thorns podcast. As always, I am P. Ryan. I will see you next week. Bye. Thank you for listening to Roseanne Thorns, the P Ryan podcast. You can find Roseanne Thorns on Instagram and Twitter at Rose and T Pod. That's R-O-S-E-N-T-P-O-T-F-O. And you can find P Ryan on Instagram and Twitter at I-M-P-Ryan. That's I-A-M-P-R-Y-A-N-F-O-S-O-S-O-S-O-N-O-S-O-N-