Rosé + Thorns
Join Dr. P. Ryan and friends in unpacking the highs and lows of life, culture, and relationships—open conversations with no off-limits topics.
Rosé + Thorns
What Would Draya Do? (feat. @britjanssen)
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I love having soul stirring conversations, but sometimes I just have to let my bird flag fly. I’m so happy to have my good sis, Britney Janssen, on #rosentpod. We talked about everything under the sun—from her experiences as a pageant girl to her experiences with men. Get ready to CACKLE. 🖤
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From what I understand, he's still like, that's who I want to be with. Okay. Well, shout out to them.
SPEAKER_05You ready? It's Roseanne Thorns. Hey Love Bugs, and welcome to another episode of the Roseanne Thorns podcast. I am P Ryan, and listen, y'all, bear with me because I am nursing a heavy hangover. Um, but this ain't about me. I'm excited. I'm here with a wonderful guest. You know, a couple of my girlfriends have come on the show before, and I've called them my Married to Medicine cast member. I've called them my Housewives of Atlanta cast member. This is my basketball wives cast member.
SPEAKER_00She is I will I will gladly accept that. Yes!
SPEAKER_05She is the epitome of hair goals, body goals, and bagels. Everybody, welcome Brittany J.
SPEAKER_00Hey everyone. This is my first time doing something like this. So it should be interesting.
SPEAKER_05It's gonna be a good time. So we always start the show off um by having the guests tell the people about themselves. So tell the people about yourself.
SPEAKER_01All right. Well, I'm Brittany Jansen. Um, I don't know. I'm just me. I like to talk shit. I like my weeds.
SPEAKER_06Heard you. As do I.
SPEAKER_01No, I mean, I think I'm a pretty like chilled laid-back person. I definitely think my personality throws people off when they first meet me, because I know I guess by looking at me, they just don't expect for me to be the person who talks shit and likes their weed. But that's really about it.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I'm here for it. Now it's funny that you said you like to talk shit and um you like your weed. That was kind of you know what led us to bonding. But it's so funny, not how we bonded, but where we bonded. Yeah. So you and I met down to the church house.
SPEAKER_04I was like, I'm gonna get with a location or a map. Yes.
SPEAKER_05So we first had our bonding moments um because when I was in St. Louis for two years, um, I went to a particular church, we sang on the praise team. You seem to be like the realest out of a lot of the people that I met in that space. Not to say that there weren't other people who were real um as hell, too. But they're church people, yeah, yeah. And you really um were just so transparent and authentic with me. And so we began to build a bond even outside of the church house. Now, not only did you expose me to like the Midwest church scene culture, which is which is a culture in itself, not only from the Adventist Church, but from the Kojik Church. And that was the whole time Delivered came out. It was a moment.
SPEAKER_04Oh yeah, I forgot.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, a moment, okay. But you also exposed me to a world of which I knew nothing of, right? And so that's the pageant world. And I didn't understand how hard people went down to the pageants, but it is not a game. It's this is like a sport, it's not a game, it is not a game, and just to tooch your horn a little bit, um, your involvement in pageant, you know, you're not new to this, you are very much true to this. You've been doing this thing since since how long?
SPEAKER_01I did my first one in 2009.
SPEAKER_052009, and you started winning titles in 2009.
SPEAKER_06Get us together, get us together.
SPEAKER_01Now my first one that I competed in, I won, and that's when I was like, hmm, maybe this isn't that hard for me.
SPEAKER_05Listen, you have you were a 2019 contestant for the Miss Spirit of St. Louis, uh, USA. You were Miss Black Missouri. Is that correct?
SPEAKER_01Miss Black Missouri U.S. ambassador.
SPEAKER_05So Okay, give me the titles.
SPEAKER_01Come on, Kenya, you're more necessarily and I and I felt Kenya in that moment, but I was like, girl, all you had to do was just correct her real quick because so many people don't realize how many pageants just exist, period. Yeah, you only see the ones that are televised, or you only see the ones that your cousin or whoever you know is involved in, or if you've gone to school, you may see like a miss black and gold or something like that, but that's really the extent. But for me, um, the first pageant that I competed in was under the National American Miss um pageant system, which is pretty, which is pretty well known, but I won um Miss Teen Kansas City for that pageant. And then what was after that? That was Miss Black U.S. Ambassador, so I was the Missouri contestant for that pageant. I was the first Missouri contestant for that pageant.
SPEAKER_05Um come on first.
SPEAKER_01I placed and I placed in the top three for that. Um, and then after Miss Black U.S. Ambassador, I took kind of like the high-end for a couple of years and went to the Miss Missouri USA system. And that system I competed three times. Um that is where you really start to understand pageantry, I feel like.
SPEAKER_06Well, tell us about it.
SPEAKER_01When you start getting into those systems, as far as like you said, uh how serious people take it um and how you train for it is completely different than I felt like I had to for the other.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I competed in that system three times. Um was it the first two years? I was the highest scoring um non-finalist. So basically I placed there was the top 15 that they took into the semifinalist um round. I was like number 16 both years in a row. Um and then af the year after that, the last year that I competed, I was in the top five. Um, and then I won Miss Photogenic. And then there's something else that I won as well.
SPEAKER_05And it makes sense because you're fine.
SPEAKER_01Thank you.
SPEAKER_05Okay. When I say uh what did I say? When I say basketball wives cast member, I mean it, okay. She's got the look.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I appreciate it. I appreciate it. Maybe one day if the Lord says so.
SPEAKER_06If the Lord says so, we can call Shawnee, okay?
SPEAKER_05The Lord says so. Yes. Now you talked about how pageantry really is kind of like a sport, right? And you talked about your different rankings. Um I wonder if you could give us just a little glimpse into what that sport aspect looks like. Like, what does it take for somebody to even be considered, you know, pageant contestant worthy? What's the process like? How many girls show interest? Like, give us the T.
SPEAKER_01I mean, do you want like the the optimal answer?
SPEAKER_05You want the I want the real answer. It's a real podcast.
SPEAKER_01Because I mean, I don't know. I think a lot of pageant systems are really trying to be a lot more inclusive um about the type of contestant that they're looking for or what type of contestant they're looking to crown. Um, because at the end of the day, whoever they crown that represents their brand.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, but typically, I mean, the brand for pageant winners is typically, you know, the white girl thin, um has all the perfect answers, looks perfect all the time, um, very much so like steeped in PR training. That's kind of the thing. That's kind of like what it has been. And honestly, I believe to an extent that's kind of what it takes, but it depends on what system you're looking to enter into. That makes sense. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Now I think that's really interesting though, because you know, I'm not blind to the fact that you currently live in Missouri, right? And I mentioned again we met in St. Louis, and you know, for the two years that I've been there, like it felt like as soon as I stepped down into that city, I was told that St. Louis is like a modern city, but with very traditional values, right? Very traditional bad words.
SPEAKER_01Urgew.
SPEAKER_05That's what I meant by traditional.
SPEAKER_01Bad words people. That's the mindset.
SPEAKER_05And so then when you think about being in pageants as a black cis woman, and I'm not even talking about um getting into like the white pageants, because you've also um been in like predominantly black spaces too. What are some of the obstacles that you've had to overcome, whether it be based on race, like when you're in the white spaces or when you're in the black spaces, whether it be based on like colorism and and texturism and yeah, um challenges it, you know, I feel like it varies from year to year.
SPEAKER_01Um when you when you can be, because it just you don't know, and that's part of um the thing with pageantry. Usually what you'll find is if you go back to a system, a lot of people are repeat contestants. Um so when you're walking in, now your first year, of course, you're gonna be completely new and green to everything because you don't know anyone, you don't really you know of the system, but you don't really know how the whole thing works. Um but because I've done Miss Missouri USA for so many years, I the last couple of times I competed, half of the nervousness that I've had from before was gone because it's like I know everyone, I know what to expect out of the people that I'm competing with for the most part. I know what to expect out of the staff, things like that. Um but I think that's one of the biggest things, and maybe where challenges will come in as far as um dealing with the race issue or dealing with just I mean, not and not even anyone trying to make it a race issue, but just how you feel as a black person coming into predominantly white spaces.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01It's like if you get what I mean.
SPEAKER_05So make it plain.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, it's just there's just a certain way, whether we realize we do it or not. I think all people of color, there's just a way that you there's a switch that you flip when you are in predominantly white spaces, especially if you have like gone to school or you're you have a career that forces you into an environment where you have to be like that, there's the the switch that flips.
SPEAKER_05So I mean, so there's kind of like a code switching that happens.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, there's a code switching that happens, your voice changes. So, I mean, this is that this is how I talk when I talk to you know my family and everything, but my passion voice is completely different.
SPEAKER_06Ah, heard you.
SPEAKER_01Uh, but it I don't know, so it's like you're we're competing, I think, with the I don't know, I guess the mindset or the thing in the back of our mind all the time that's trying to, of course, when the judge is over because you want to win, um, and it is a competition, but then at the same time still trying to toe the line between being yourself and wanting to win them over and competing, but not being too competitive to where you seem too aggressive or you seem um too outside of what you know the norm is for that system. And I'll just say that about that. But the black systems, um I think with those, there I mean there's no code switching necessarily, but and I think this goes in general for again most black professionals, um, and most black people over the eight, like over the age of 25 when you're starting to approach your 30s. I think with the black pageants, it really starts to become about what do you do. So, like career-wise, where'd you go to school? Um, like how much extracurricular stuff you've done, like how many nonprofit organizations. So it's like it that's the added layer, I think. Like how bad are you? Yeah, like yeah, it goes it, it turns into that on top of the fact that you're competing for the title.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_05Now, I always have to bring up the fact that you know, we grew up in a very uh conservative religious culture, right? A conservative religious culture that is not open to a lot of worldly pursuits. Um, I don't know about you. Oh, it is like when I was growing up, they like, if you're gonna entertain, you need to entertain for Jesus. Okay.
SPEAKER_04I I've heard that.
SPEAKER_05Yes, yes. And so I'm wondering, seeing as how you've had experience, you know, in the pageant realm and have been doing it for years, what has your experience been with kind of like religious backlash um kind of toward your pageantry passion, if at all?
SPEAKER_01I don't think I've necessarily I I think I expected a lot more. I think I expected a lot more, especially when it came down to where I knew I was like, oh, I got swimsuit. Um I think I expected a lot more. But at the same time, I've always kind of set the precedent with church people that I'ma do what I'm gonna do.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_06So very different. Which is very different from a lot of people.
SPEAKER_01No, it's very different from a lot of people. But thankfully, I have parents, like my mom, she was born and raised in that denomination, and she was a dancer, like she was a she did ballet for years. Yeah, and that's what she wanted to do, and then she also played the violin, and she was told by her parents and by her pastor that that was God can't use that.
SPEAKER_05Uh mercy.
SPEAKER_01And so when it came to me, she was like, I'll never let anybody tell my child that, as long as you're not. I mean, and I feel like there's very few things that my mom would judge me for judge me for doing.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, she's a gem. Shout out to her, yeah. Hey mama D.
SPEAKER_04I'm telling you, said I. She's like, Oh, oh Patrick.
SPEAKER_01But no, but she she just was bound and determined that after that happened to her, she wouldn't let that happen to me. So it's like I've had parents, thankfully, that even though it was the church setting, and there is, I mean, I think anyone that's grown up with any type of religious background where your parents actually kind of stick to it, like on a regular basis, your respect for religious stuff is like kind of up here when it compares to everything else in your life. And so it's like they were never like be disrespectful or anything to anyone, but then at the same time, you don't just accept stuff that people say, and you don't have to do what people tell you to do just because they told you. Like they need to back it up with something. If they can't back it up with anything, that is what it is.
SPEAKER_05So you can have a respect for kind of religious values and at the same time still take ownership of your own life.
SPEAKER_01Yep. And so on it, but honestly, I don't I have not had that much backlash, but that's because, and that's another thing with pageantry, especially when you're talking about like social media um posts and everything. There's just a certain way that you have to structure um your social media because that does go into that is taken into account with the judges. Yes, that makes sense. So they will go out, you don't know how long the judges have been looking at your posts. It's like, but they do.
SPEAKER_05And so there's kind of like a respectability factor that you already have to adhere to. Yeah, and that's in all in line essentially with kind of like religious values, and especially because I compete in a state that's part of the Bible bill. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Which I I can be in no pageants, my titties are out on the Instagram, so yeah, but it's like but honestly, it's like, and I and I have people you know that I've gotten close to, whether they be in the organization or just girls that I've competed with, and I mean, we all talk about that, like we when we've seen, I mean, it kind of sounds like mean girls, but it's like Yes, come on, Regina George.
SPEAKER_05Come on.
SPEAKER_01Well, we've seen like new girls come in and we're looking at them, we're looking at the way that they're dressed, whatever, like, okay, whatever. And then so we've like gone to their Instagrams or like gone to their Facebooks and we're looking like, mmm, she's not gonna be able to be considered seriously because of this, this, this, this, this, this, this. But it's like, so you you you kind of wash yourself out um on social media or any other platforms where people can see you um and hear like what you're saying or see what you're doing, you kind of filter yourself out whether that is how you really are or whether that's not, you just you're just trying to create a perception and image. But ask me this question in like a year. So when I really start just doing the things that I want to do, um, and putting the things that I find interesting or what I find, you know, to be dope on my Instagram, ask me that then. Because I'm sure people have a lot of things to say. Like I'm sure the fact that I said I love my weed at the beginning of this is gonna set the world ablaze.
SPEAKER_05Like And I think that's so interesting, right? Because, you know, we're talking about this in the pageant context, but I think in many professional, quote unquote, because professionalism is steeped in white supremacy, but in when in many professional settings, you know, you do get judged, whether it be, you know, your job, whether it be, you know, these elitist social groups, regardless of what it is, you know, people take to the social media and really paint a picture of who you are. Um, and that really doesn't help anyone.
SPEAKER_01No, and it's like, and I don't understand, I mean, I don't know, I guess it's just the way that we've trained ourselves to consume social media, but it's like you'll know for yourself because of what you post on your page, you'll know, like, yeah, I was cute that day, or I had all my shit together that day, and that's why I posted it. But um, like, but the other six days out of the week, I was down and out. I went over to his house for the fifth time, and I shouldn't even been over there.
SPEAKER_06Not the fifth time. We'll get there.
SPEAKER_01But you know what I mean? It's just like you know that you've got your own shit.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And you know that like what is going on on your Instagram, those are that's the optimal channel view of you. But it's like we don't come we don't apply that to other people's pages, I feel like.
SPEAKER_05Speaking of Instagram, right? And speaking of social media, let me tell you something. I already said this before, you're a gorgeous individual, but your body, what waste? What waste? Okay, your body is it. And you talked about like swimsuits, you talked about um, you know, how you were able to kind of like advance in the pageant realm. Um and when you even look at your social media, just like fitness is like a huge part of your life. I'm wondering if you could share with us a little bit about like your journey with fitness and your journey with health, um, and how do you maintain a balance, especially in the pageant realm, right? If we're gonna talk about real stuff, how do you maintain this balance of being healthy but not being obsessive when it comes to health and fitness?
SPEAKER_01In pageant world, um I don't know if there I wouldn't necessarily say obsessive, but there's never gonna be a point. Now that's if you're going for a certain look.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um if you're trying to transform your body to have a certain look that honestly, like you said, this professionalism, this whole image of how you should be is is steeped in white supremacy. But it's like if you're trying to go, if you're trying to have this look that can honestly translate across, you know, cultural divides different consumers and different cultural divides. Um, I don't think that fitness, I mean, and that's even for the white girls. I don't think that fitness is ever gonna be something that's not gonna be like priority. It's gonna be like your your kids may be number one, but I guarantee you, right next to it, number two is gonna be fitness. Your career might be number one right next to it's gonna be fitness because it just takes so much um to get to a point where you are swimsuit ready. What they call that swimsuit ready, and then you know, I'm not one of those, and I I wasn't ever one of those contestants that just competed like all year round. Um, but there are quite a few that do.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So you have to be pageant ready all the time the time.
SPEAKER_06Wow.
SPEAKER_01Um, yeah, it's like it's like yeah, pageant ready all the time. So that's like I mean, to the extreme, like you're meal prepping all the time. I guarantee you, if you're pageant ready all the time, all you're gonna be eating is like baked chicken with no seasoning, broccoli, and your carb counting.
SPEAKER_05See, that's demonic. And I see that right now. Okay, that ain't nothing but the devil. Baked chicken with no seasoning?
SPEAKER_01Essentially, it'll be very little salt because then you don't want your body to bloat.
SPEAKER_06To bloat, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Because you have too much salt. But see, so it's like it you train yourself. So now I'm to a point because I'm not at my pageant weight. Um, the last time I competed. I got all the way down to a size zero. I was liter I was literally a zero. It didn't necessarily Yeah. So the orange, yeah, the orange bikini um video or whatever that everybody always talks about on my Instagram, I'm like, I look fit and I look like, oh, I'm a slimmer version of myself now, but I guess that's just the way it looks on camera. But I'm like, I'm telling you guys, I was a size zero.
SPEAKER_05Wow. Wow.
SPEAKER_01On that. But to get down to that, and that also happened to be the year where I placed in the top five. So again, for me to get to where I wanted to be, it took me, I mean, I went vegan, I did juice cleanses, I was working out with my trainer five times a week for at least two hours. And I was doing this right after work.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So I was getting off work, working out, going home and sleeping, getting up. If I was actually doing what I was supposed to be doing, I was doing cardio in the mornings.
SPEAKER_05So what I'm hearing you say is basically you you turn to witchcraft. Okay, because that is nothing but sorcery, no seasoning on your face.
SPEAKER_01Veganism, but it's it also does train you. And I feel like this is probably why so many pageant women, I feel like either pageant women when they get older and they're not competing anymore, either they just get big and they don't care. Oh wow because it's like they it's because they've just done it for so many years and you get tired of trying to keep up that all the time. It's like, or they're the women where it's just like it's been so ingrained in you now about how to watch this, you can't have this, or you know, stay away from these type of foods or this type of eating and all this other stuff, and just how we've trained ourselves to work out, or we're probably pretty much gonna look like our pageant selves most of the time, but it's just a thing that's just ingrained. Like I'm trying to get away from also me feeling like I have to always have on some type of face, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or something else because it's like I've but again I've built up that persona and that perception for myself in competing, and it's kind of bled over.
SPEAKER_05You wind up falling into these extremes. Well, let me encourage you. Whenever you want to move from being a bikini ready to caftan ready, I got you. I'll be your trainer. Okay. We can start with baked macaroni and cheese. We can do a stuffed shell, okay?
SPEAKER_01See, but this is this is the thing. This is the thing. Once you go vegan and you try to go back to eating the food that you were before, it's difficult.
SPEAKER_05But listen, I have a vegan in my household, so we can do vegan mac and cheese. And we can do we can do a whole bunch of vegan good things, okay?
SPEAKER_01I'm here for it as I'm sipping my vegan uh matcha green latte with sugar-free coconut sweetener because I'm trying to look at it.
SPEAKER_05All that all that witchcraft, all that sorcery.
SPEAKER_01But I mean, that's that's that that is one of the things though that I realized coming from the black pageants over into Miss Missouri USA territory. And I mean, and I won't even necessarily say that it's true for our system, meaning the system that I competed in, but not only do you have to do that work, but there is a hidden kind of like political system.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01To with passion. So very rarely will you see a a contestant that's come in on her first year killed in one.
SPEAKER_05Even if she deserved to.
SPEAKER_01Even if she deserved to. Even if she deserved to. And it's like you see it every year. People always have their comments about who they felt the audience seems like who they felt should have won. And honestly, if you were able to talk to some of the judges, um, as I have been able to kind of figure out a way to talk to them, it's it's a political system too.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So it's like you're training yourself to do all this stuff to come and be your best, but then on top of that, if you're new to you're fighting a whole other thing.
SPEAKER_05I'm hearing you say if you're new, and then what's what the question that keeps coming in my mind is like, well, what if you black?
SPEAKER_01New, black, you better be, you better be Kenya Moore.
SPEAKER_06Okay, heard you. Twirl.
SPEAKER_01You better be. It's like, no, for real though. And it's like, even though Kenya does stuff that is just like, girl, but at the same time, but at the same time, I'm like, man, as someone who's competed in pageants, that woman has some damn respect that oozes from me to her because I get how you have to show up.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. It's a doggy dog girl.
SPEAKER_01To win all of that and make it to where you have no, you gotta, yeah. You it's like the black contestants, unfortunately, the contestants of color, like you gotta come and literally like leave it all out there. Leave it all out there every time. Because I mean, there and there's just so many other ways. See, now I feel like I'm getting into the race thing, but there's just like there's so good.
SPEAKER_06That's what this is.
SPEAKER_01There's so many other ways that the other contestants can find or have a leg up on to make sure that they either make it into the semifinals or that they are gonna walk away with something.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I mean, and that and that'll just come down to, and that was another thing that I realized when I moved over into that system was how much money they put in behind competing. You you wouldn't even think that behind a pageant, these families are are putting out what they put out.
SPEAKER_05Can you give us a rough estimate?
SPEAKER_01Oh, we're talking tens of thousands.
SPEAKER_05Mercy. Mercy. Let me tell you.
SPEAKER_01And that's just for you to win the state level.
SPEAKER_05If you want to go buy some caftans for tens of thousands, we have money. Okay. Caftans, food. Because wow, wow.
SPEAKER_01But there the reason, and it's again, the reason that they do, though, is because when these these pageants that have been around for as many years as these ones have, and the different ties to just different industries and people that they know, when these girls win, and they, you know, they're done with their reign, they get done. There are so many avenues that they can take.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Where they make all that money back.
SPEAKER_01You're gonna make it back. And it and it puts you out there so that way pe it's it's like it's a it's almost kind of like a sorority type thing. It works just, oh, of course, it works differently. Yeah, but I mean that's that's what it is. Like you enter into it with the hopes that if you're chosen, that it's gonna afford you some other opportunities that you wouldn't have otherwise.
SPEAKER_06Right, right.
SPEAKER_01I mean, and that's why they they pay that. I mean, I like I said, at just at the state level, knowing people's gowns cost like $10,000. And then magically that person wins best. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05With all of that in mind, yeah. With all of that in mind, what advice would you give um black women, young black women, cut with hopes of like infiltrating this pageant system? What's like a nugget that you could provide?
SPEAKER_01Maybe this is not great advice, but I guess the way that I'm thinking of it, I would say get a coach. That's a story. Oh yeah, I would say get a coach be and get one that is reputable and that has had success in the systems that you are competing in. Not just like some random person, or even better yet, a lot of um contestants that have had state titles and um you know, won, went on to Miss USA, went on to Miss Universe, they coach. So I'm like, if you're gonna be in those systems, those are the perfect people for you to coach, um, for you to be up under because they're gonna give you the real story behind stuff.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Now I gotta ask you, um, because coach when I hear coach, um, you know, little bank checks are going off in my mind, how much would you need to invest to to find said coach or to get said coach?
SPEAKER_01If you're think if I'm thinking of the ones that I would recommend, just set aside a couple of racks.
unknownOkay. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Why did she think okay?
SPEAKER_06Right, like I got somebody I'm putting in a pageant, but dang, I felt that. I felt that.
SPEAKER_01But yeah, it's gonna it's gonna take it's gonna take a couple of racks. Like they're I won't say what the names are, but um I keep in touch with one of the premier like pageant coaches probably in the US. Most uh, I don't think I've ever seen one of her girls placed below top five. You're so it's like pretty much with her, if you follow what she says and you you take, you know, the opportunities and everything that they give you while you're coaching, you should be able to be a finalist at the very least.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, but I mean, she takes over everything. She's gonna take over your wardrobe. She takes over how you present yourself in interview, um, hair, they do your fitness plan, all that. And then um, there's another um coaching service that's offered by former title holders, and I would say maybe their track record might be a little bit better than hers. Pretty much their girl's win, period. But they charge about you're gonna have to set aside a few racks. But if you want that win, I guess the racks are worth it. It's like if you want that win and again you do what they tell you to do, um, and you keep that communication open with your coach, with them, you're going. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05I appreciate you for offering our listeners this this insight. I I I don't think it's every day we get a glimpse into the world of pageantry. We get a glimpse.
SPEAKER_01You don't, and I probably people probably not be that happy about what I'm saying. But I mean, it's just it is what it is. When girls come to me and they're like, oh, I'm thinking about competing, and I'm like giving you a whole list of questions, why? Like, have you started doing this? Like, have you looked at this? Have you talked to anyone else that's like besides me? What are you have you looked at coaches, like a whole bunch of stuff? Like, what are you wanting to look like? Do you know what you want to look like fitness-wise? Do you know where you want to be? Because it's like all of that stuff hits you, and honestly, most people that are competing for the first time don't realize how much time you should really give yourself to get there. People will try to sign up like months before, and it's like, really, you should give yourself a year or as close to a year as you possibly can, because it's there's just a lot of grooming and like tweaking that you have to do of yourself to get to the point where you can get in front of those judges and present not just what they want to see, but the best version of yourself.
SPEAKER_05Well, again, I appreciate you. And you know what? I'm gonna take this moment to plug my pageant coming up, okay? You don't have to be bikini ready, you just need to be caftan ready. And our um test will be a jerk chicken cook-off, okay? Who can make the best mac and cheese? Okay.
SPEAKER_01Hold on, press pause. Who can freestyle the best? You made the best jerk chicken still. Let people know. I have not been able to find what the what the stuff is that you use.
SPEAKER_05Y'all, you heard it here first, okay? You heard it here. Them pictures I'll be posting down to the Instagram, okay? We have a whit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like he actually, nah, the food is banging. And like, and when you made that chicken, that last time we were at Carson and Kitty Cow. And the main people that want to talk about the health message and the denomination that you grew up. Not the health message killed, killed the chicken that they said is such a sin to eat.
SPEAKER_05Tore it up. Tore it up.
SPEAKER_01They were willing to go to hell for the jerk chicken, according to them. That's what it was.
SPEAKER_05Oh, that's an endorsement. Okay. Your jerk chicken will make you want to risk hell. That is an endorsement. Oh my god. No, let's have a small intermission, right? I couldn't have you on the show without acknowledging. I already called you my basketball wives cast member, but I couldn't have you on here without acknowledging the fact that we have we we have a fan club for a certain individual, right? And that individual is Miss Drea Michelle. Okay. If y'all know who I'm talking about, you should see the dance I'm doing. Okay. She's doing a dance because that's how hard we ride for the girl. Right?
SPEAKER_04That's my boom.
SPEAKER_05And so I could not have you on here without playing a little game with you. And the game is called WWD. What would Drea do?
SPEAKER_04What would Drea do? I'm here for it.
SPEAKER_05And so I am going to ask you three, I'm gonna give you three scenarios. And after each scenario, I'm basically just gonna ask you what would Drea do. So you ready?
SPEAKER_04Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Scenario one you get to know a guy for months, right? One day while meeting up with him, he introduces you to his girlfriend. So you go out to dinner with him, and at the table is his girlfriend, and he's pretending like it's nothing, like you're just a homie. What would Drea do?
SPEAKER_01Drea would say some sneaky ass shit. Drea would say some sneaky ass shit or do something like I've been planning to do. Like, let me, I'm gonna send you a drink. Like, I'm gonna order drinks for everybody, and I'm gonna know your fucking drink because I know what the hell you like. Because sis, your man's been over here with me.
SPEAKER_05So you're gonna order his drink for him in front of in front of the girlfriend.
SPEAKER_06Oh, messy Bessie! Yes, messy Bessie.
SPEAKER_04Don't do that to me for months? Don't do that.
SPEAKER_05I love this. I'm already living. Okay, scenario number two, right?
SPEAKER_04Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_05You thought you had a connection with a young man. Okay, you guys have had a meeting of the minds, maybe a meeting of the bodies, a meeting of the hearts. So you thought. All right. You turn around. And he winds up connecting with your homegirl.
SPEAKER_01What would Drea do? I feel like I mean, I think she would probably just have a conversation with them, be like, okay, so So what's going on? Was I like was I wrong in not interpreting the signals correctly or what? Or maybe maybe she wouldn't say anything and just keep it moving. What would you do? What would I do? I'll probably just keep it moving. I'm not gonna give you the satisfaction of thinking that you affected me.
SPEAKER_05See, I guess I hang around a lot of strong women. I need to take a couple pages out of y'all books.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_01I'm like, ah, but no, don't take all the pages out of our books because sometimes that translates or that that comes back to bite us because we're acting too independent. But nah. Especially after that, because I just feel like if it was my like you said, my homegirl, that's just different.
SPEAKER_06It's different.
SPEAKER_01That's just different. So it's like like you, and then you said you might have had the meeting of the body, so it's like, okay, so this is what this is what was going on over here.
SPEAKER_05So how long now y'all has that been going on?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's like, and then now you have to start having conversations, then you holding this and interacting with her while she's talking about, you know, sad person and thinking everything is sweet, and you want to be like, but Yeah, it's too much.
SPEAKER_05Eskimo sisters with no igloo. Ain't it too much?
SPEAKER_01Ain't it too much? I just ain't gonna say nothing.
SPEAKER_05All right, I love this. Last scenario, okay? Talking about meeting of the bodies. All right, so you had sex with a young man, right? The sex was absolutely bomb, but after a few, let's call it months, weeks of like not talking, he hits you up via text and asks you for money. What would Drea do? Just ask you to hold like $50.
SPEAKER_01I'd be like four. Dre'll be like four. Cause they know, cuz what bill you got that's just fifty.
SPEAKER_05Heard you.
SPEAKER_01What you trying to buy?
SPEAKER_06Weed, it's the weed bill. It's the weed bill.
SPEAKER_05Wait, now let me ask you a follow-up, right? Because remember, I told you the sex was bombed. So he broke your back out, right? Uh-huh. After the whole he asked you for money, you find out that you're about to be going to his city in the next couple weeks. What would Drea do? Do you even reach out to him? Do you acknowledge that he's alive? What do we do?
unknownI don't know.
SPEAKER_04Because I'm nervous.
SPEAKER_01Oh wait. But uh no. Because it's like, well, and then and this is assuming that I didn't respond back.
SPEAKER_05Yes, assuming. Or that you just said no. Are you still are you going for a second of the day? And this is why you're my friend.
SPEAKER_01This is why you're going, hey. I don't know. Because in that situation, it's kind of like, because I don't think anybody likes making anyone else feel like they're just dick or they're just something, you know, to sleep with. I don't think anybody really does at the core of it.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01On either sides. So it's like, I wouldn't, I don't know.
SPEAKER_05But do you think him asking you for money is a little disrespectful?
SPEAKER_01Just a tad. Because I'm like, well, what you need? Especially, especially if we're not like dating.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, like you're not my, you're not my man. You're not my nigga.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I mean, and I feel like it goes the same way for women. Like, I I do when my guy friends or guys I know might talk about that type of stuff. I'm like, what? Like you were just hanging out with her for a couple of weeks and then she asked you to cover her rent? Like, why why do we even remotely think that that's okay? Like, why do we treat other people's money like it's ours? That's a whole nother conversation for another day. But I don't know. I feel like on that, I might just have to take an L and maybe just not contact him or see, like, you know, maybe post something like on Instagram on your story, and then like put your location on there. Yes.
SPEAKER_05And if he reaches out, then it changes the story.
SPEAKER_01It's like, hey, hey. You initiated this.
SPEAKER_05I love that. I love that. You know what? We appreciate you for playing. What would Dreya do? We don't have to have you come back on for next season to replay this game. Um, and you know, quite as a scap, these scenarios may have been sponsored by my lived experience.
SPEAKER_04So you just never know. And listeners and listeners like you, like on TBS. This was sponsored by my viewers. Thank you. Thank you. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_04What is that? The corporate uh public broadcasting corporation.
SPEAKER_06We love a good PBA. Okay.
SPEAKER_05Oh. Take us back. Well, listen, that is our intermission. And so with this season of Rose and Thorns, season one is unofficially called the Essential Work of Life and Relationships, right? And so we talked about your life when it comes to pageantry.
SPEAKER_01Now you want to go into the relationship.
SPEAKER_05Let's get right on into it.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_05Now, we you I previously mentioned that um we live in the church house, right? But we have something in common other than just church and shenanigans. We have the thing in common that we are attracted to bad boys. Maybe, you know, young men who may not be that good for us, right? And so as someone who is absolutely beautiful, right? We've talked about just like um how your beauty has assisted you in the pageant realm. I'm sure it's easy for you to kind of connect with men, even just on a surface level. What would you say is a common struggle that you find with a lot of the partners you engage with?
SPEAKER_01A common struggle. I mean, I think that this is true for any woman who is considered attractive. Men think that you're stupid.
SPEAKER_05This may be common for uh just anybody interested in dating men.
unknownRight?
SPEAKER_01Anyone I feel like any anyone that's attractive, even guy. That are attractive because even to so just me as like a heterosexual woman, there's just certain men that if you see them and they're like too too fine, you automatically start thinking, like, okay, what's wrong with you?
SPEAKER_03Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01Like, even though you don't, even though you they haven't done anything, I think it's just a subconscious thing, like you just automatically discount something about that person because of the way that they look. Like, I think for me, that's the common thing is that men think that I don't know, I'm just not gonna know anything. And then they try to run games, and they figure, yeah, and then when they figure out, oh, she does know something, then it's like, I don't know, it's kind of like you almost get upset because you can't run game.
SPEAKER_05And I'm like, well, I mean, oh, talk about it, talk about it. No, talk no, talk about that getting upset when you can't run game, that is pure ego. And how many men is yes, mm-hmm? Tell us about that.
SPEAKER_01You talk about how many men's egos get in the way?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, so like when they find out that you they can't just run game on you or you're not that stupid, you see their ego kind of being affected, and they either start to like pull away or like play silly games, like that's a mess.
SPEAKER_01No, it it is, and I think that what exactly what you're talking about, like that breakdown, is like what starts the end of my relationships, the ending of my relationships. Cause it's just like we no man, and I I feel like for me, and I don't know how many other people can attest to this, but it's almost like so many men live like in this double consciousness state. Cause it's like because they'll tell you, like, oh my gosh, like you're so smart, like you're so intelligent, you do all these other things, but then at the same time, you're like throwing darts at me because of it.
SPEAKER_06Wow. Wow.
SPEAKER_05Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's like where do you think that comes from?
SPEAKER_05Why do you think that is?
SPEAKER_01I don't I don't know if it's necessarily like just American culture. Um, because friends that I have, or even family that that I have that are not from here, I don't necessarily see them talking about the dynamics between men and women like we do. But I just think that society, and I I really hate to say that, but I mean that's what it is. I think society is like built up this thing where if a woman, especially a woman, if she's attractive, like very attractive, that's all she's gonna have to offer. And you should only, and she's only gonna exist like in that space.
SPEAKER_06In that box, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, in that box. Ideally, I think like from TV shows and things that we watch growing up, they like to paint the picture like you want the attractive woman that could do it all. But I don't, it's like, I don't know. I don't know why. I don't know why men always turn back to that to that thing to where they're more comfortable just having the woman that's that looks good and does what they want. That's what I feel like it kind of yeah, that's why I feel like it kind of turns all it always turns back into it. And if you're not willing to get on board with that, then you know, you face the attitudes and the temper tantrums and all that other crap.
SPEAKER_05And I love um that you're sharing this perspective in particular because it's not blind to me that you also, you know, again, come from a very, as you called it, ass backwards area, right? And so you live in the Bible Belt, you live in St. Louis, you live in again this city that really holds firm to its traditional values. And so thank you. I appreciate you for sharing that. Now, you told me about a young man that you were dealing with, um, who had some money, yeah, but who you described as annoying and with subpart.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_01And even when I heard like the situation that's like, and the sad the sad thing is, y'all, this makes me sound so bad. I'm sending, I'm pretty sure I know who he's talking about.
SPEAKER_05So that means you have multiple. And because you have multiple, I had responded to you. I was just like, Well, I must be living wrong, right? Because I can hardly get a man to shake my hand. And you had said, you don't want those problems. So you already said a mouthful. I'm wondering if you could tell us a little bit more, though, about that stress. Like, give us the tea, having a man who, you know, maybe can break bread, but is not really fulfilling in other ways.
SPEAKER_01If it's the person I think you're talking about, um, there was more, there was a little bit more to the thing where I was like, you don't want the stress because again, it was going back, it was starting to turn into again. I felt like because of the status that this person holds and what he does, um, and things that he has coming up, he's already kind of setting his mind that he doesn't want a partner. Like he would, we would talk and we would have conversations and everything, and he would be ecstatic about the fact that I could have conversations with him about the things that he does and be able to talk to him, you know, like that. But then it was like at the same time, though, he would still find like subtle ways to try to like trump my opinion.
SPEAKER_05Well, first of all, we don't say that word. But but I hear what you're saying. I hear what you're saying.
SPEAKER_04My opinion. Right.
SPEAKER_01But um, yeah, so but so it was like, okay, and that's what I'm talking about. It's kind of like that double consciousness thing, like, okay, well, you're telling me out of your mouth and you're giving me accolades and compliments about these things over here, but then you're still, I still see you finding ways to like try to chip away at those things as well.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. So it's like boosting up your self-esteem, but also trying to cut at shit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so it's like, are we really, are we really celebrating that, or is that something that you're just bringing to the forefront? Like, you want me to know that you noticed? Like you get like you give what I mean, because I'm like, that's the only other thing that it could be, is that you want me to get, you want me to understand that you noticed that, and you're you know, hiding it under the guise of it being a compliment, but all all you're really doing is you're just picking out things like, oh, okay. Yeah, these might be possible like ego violators for me.
SPEAKER_05That's really interesting. And I think with such an experience and the fact that you've experienced that with multiple men, I really commend you for just having your heart open to relationships moving forward. What have you learned about yourself through these relationships?
SPEAKER_01I have learned, and see, Liz, like I was telling you earlier, and I was having conversations with like a few friends about this today, but it spills over into just other types of relationships too. But I was telling them, like, I had to realize that one, um, I do like to have an open heart to certain things, but everybody can't everybody can't come in.
SPEAKER_05Just discernment.
SPEAKER_01Just plain and simple. Yeah, it's like this discernment for real and not apologizing for setting those boundaries or for going off of that thing that keeps going off in the back of your head, like mmm, maybe you should watch it. Like, it's there for a reason. Like that's the thing that I've definitely learned. Um, like I said, setting your boundaries and not apologizing for it. And then with me um moving at the pace that I want to move in with relationships and not giving up my power or like I said, my my opinion or my voice because it keeps the drama down.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01Because I start it's like because I started to realize I'm like, if that, if those things cause drama, then obviously we're just not gonna be able to.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01We're not gonna this is not gonna work because I'm not dumbing myself down to suit your ego. Just to just to sit here next to you, like, unless you finna pay me, pay me.
SPEAKER_05We love a coin. Yeah, yeah, we love a coin.
SPEAKER_01I mean, and it was and that was and honestly, with that situation, that was one of the things I kept flip-flopping back and forth between because I'm like, I know that the type of wealth that's attached to this individual, like, nah, we're we're we're getting into like serious, serious money. Yeah. So are you willing to sit by and let possibly things just keep deteriorating, or let him con like, you know, constantly take these jabs or whatever, and you're kind of feeling like, well, I'm in this position, but are you willing to do that knowing that you will probably get get some change off the back of the back end, or are you no, are you gonna be honest with yourself and know that you're gonna get sick of that?
SPEAKER_05Well, I love that you chose the latter, right? Because I even had a conversation in an earlier podcast with a sugar baby, and she was like, fuck that shit too, right? I'm not taking the mess that you give me just for a back end coin.
SPEAKER_01Just just for yeah, just for a check. It's it's just not worth it. And I mean, on top of that, I never asked that individual for any money anyway. Even though it was like the way that they were the conversations and things that we were having, it was like if I ever was to, it wouldn't be a problem. But I'm just I'm never I've never been that type of female anyway.
SPEAKER_06Gotcha.
SPEAKER_01When I when I need something, I've never been that type of woman. It's like when I need something, or if I'm going without something, like my first mindset is not to go ask somebody else.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, heard you.
SPEAKER_01Like, that's just me. So, like I like I said, I had to be honest with myself and be like, okay, are you gonna honestly be able to deal with that and tolerate that, or do you know yourself well enough to be like either you're gonna have to really set some hard lines in the sand or you're just gonna have to stop dealing with this individual?
SPEAKER_05Well, y'all, I love that. That's a good place to pause, okay? One last thing before we move into the next segment of this show. Complete this sentence. Happiness is peace. You know what? You are not the only person to say that.
SPEAKER_01Peace.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Received. Receive. What a theme. Okay. We're two for two things.
SPEAKER_01It's like completeness and peace go together. But I feel like when you become complete, if you get to that optimal like level of what you feel you need to be in order to feel complete, there's the peace that is there is irreplaceable. We love serious. We do, because the older that you I mean, it's like, would I ever do with reality TV? Possibly. Like only if I like really knew, like, okay, this is the character I'm gonna be. Like, I'm sticking to this.
SPEAKER_05Like Bravo, Shawnee, if you're listening, Eve, if you're listening, Ryan Secrest, I know you got some pull. Yes, I would do a show. Yes. And bring my peace.
SPEAKER_01I would it's like, yes, I would, I would do a sh, I would do a show, but it's like, but carrying all that type of stuff over into your life, carrying any type of drama over into your life, it can disrupt your peace. It's a time, it's like such a time suck and like such a like a drain of your energy all the time.
SPEAKER_05So peace and being complete. Now, we played What Would Drea Do midway through this podcast. Um, and so now we're gonna kind of wrap things up by playing let's spin the rose bottle, right? Yeah, now I've spent this entire episode asking you a whole bunch of questions. What I like to do at the end is just spin the bottle and have you ask me one question. It can be juicy, it can be dry, it can be nothing, and we'll move on. But if it is something, I'll have to give an answer.
SPEAKER_01Oh god.
SPEAKER_05What's your question?
SPEAKER_01What is my question?
SPEAKER_05Ooh, it's fine. Oh my goodness. So this will be the first time we don't have a spin the bottle?
SPEAKER_01I don't know. Because I feel like there's not anything I never asked you.
SPEAKER_05Yes, you see, transparency.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's like there's really yeah, there's like really nothing like that. Um, ooh, but this might get a little spicy. Here we go. Here we go. But I haven't been able to get an answer out of anyone. Okay. Do you follow Billy Porter?
SPEAKER_05Yes. I love Billy Porter. Did you porter?
SPEAKER_01What what was your takeaway, or how did you feel about when he had made the video talking about he was equating black heterosexual men to like white supremacists?
SPEAKER_05I didn't see that video.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_05I didn't see that video. Um, but just from that vague descriptor, I can say that sometimes the oppressed become oppressors. And I think there is a reason why we um when we're saying black lives matter, we're now saying all black lives matter, because black lives in the community, um, i.e. black women, i.e. black gay people, i.e. black trans people who suffer oppression.
SPEAKER_01Who are not protected, right?
SPEAKER_05Who suffer oppression not only from um white people or the outside world that is constructed through white supremacy, but also by the hands of black men as they sometimes align with that white supremacy that also oppresses them. And so, although I didn't see the video, that's something I'm definitely gonna um check after the show. That's my take.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, I definitely agree. I think there's been, I don't know, these protests have just these protests, the conversations, just the climate has brought up just a lot.
SPEAKER_03Especially with it.
SPEAKER_01It feels like black men against everybody else in the black community.
SPEAKER_05And I think we need to investigate the validity of that. Is that really the case? Or does it feel like that because we're now holding black cishet men accountable for things that they should be held accountable for?
SPEAKER_01Well, that's the thing. It's like, dang, do we treat them all like mama's boys?
SPEAKER_05Are so basically what you're saying, are we complicit? No, no, let's unpack. Are you so you're saying are we complicit in um in their behavior? Do we reinforce that behavior sometimes?
SPEAKER_01I think we do.
SPEAKER_05I don't know.
unknownI don't know.
SPEAKER_01I don't know. It's just it it's in certain aspects and certain things, but it's but it's like, I don't know. I'm the type of individual and I'm the type of person that believes that if people, if a whole bunch of people are saying something about a certain subject or about a certain issue, everybody's not crazy. Yeah, like it's like everybody's not crazy, everybody's not getting it from, you know, just they're not pulling out of their ass. And like I said, it's it's the conversation now is turning to, and it's and I think a lot of um black statesmen, they're like they take it so personal.
SPEAKER_03Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01It's like they automatically come out of the gate taking it so personal. It's like, well, one, I never said it was you. It's like, but just like you can say, it might be you, and it might, but it's like, but it might be you, but it's like, but just how just in the same breath, how you can generalize black women and how we act, you can generalize black gays and how they act. You can like you can talk about black trans people and like group everybody into their non-bi, like you can do all this other stuff. Everybody else can be addressed with this like blanket type of, you know, what groupings apply or what generalization. Yeah, what stuff, but it's like, but then the moment that we say something to you guys or say something about you guys, then it's like, oh, you know, a whole bunch of hit dogs tolerant.
SPEAKER_05And I'm like, well, and a little bit a little bit prior, I had said I don't know when I asked the question, um, do we reinforce sometimes that behavior? Is there some accountability we can take in reinforcing that behavior? It's not to say that I don't know, it's to say that that question creates a whole nother podcast episode. But I do appreciate you for bringing that up because I think that's something that we need to continuously have conversations about. What happened?
SPEAKER_01No, no lie right now, Patrick. I think I'm seeing the guy that I was talking about with the money. I think I'm seeing his seeing him walk into Pet Smart with his wife.
SPEAKER_05You know, you know what the that is a perfect way to end this episode, okay? Is there anything that you want to plug? Your social medias, any projects you have coming?
SPEAKER_01Oh my god. If I'm about to be messy today, um y'all can y'all can.
SPEAKER_06What would Drea do? What would Drea do?
SPEAKER_01I'm going to the passport.
SPEAKER_06Do you have anything you want to plug?
SPEAKER_01Um, you guys can follow me on Instagram. Um, it's at Brit V R I T. My last name, Jansen, J-A-N-S-S-E-N. And then um, I'm really not on the Facebook like that, so I would say stick to Instagram. Besides that, um, I really don't have any plugs right now to give, but in another maybe like month or so, um, I'll start putting some things out there.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, and then just reach out to us. We will definitely feature whatever you have to plug on Roseanne Thorns social media accounts. Yeah. Thank you. Um, so guys, this has been another episode of Roseanne Thorns. Britt is going to be going into the Pet Smart to be messy with the man with the fool and I am going to continue nursing this hangover. I will see you next week. Bye.
SPEAKER_04Bye.
SPEAKER_05Thank you for listening to Roseanne Thorns, a P Ryan podcast. You can find Roseanne Thorns on Instagram and Twitter at Rose and T Pod. That's R-O-S-E-N-T-P-O-D. And you can find P Ryan on Instagram and Twitter at I-M-P-Ryan. That's I-O-M-P-R-Y-O-N-O-S-O-S-